5 months in

Continued, from April 5th 2015

5 months since the hospital I still don't know much about it.

Dissociative Identity Disorder.

My amnesia isn't just having forgotten everything. in fact I've still wished it was me not remembering things. with lost memory it would just be as easy as asking friends, reading blogs, personal messages, or just gaffing things until I remembered. but the only things that bleed through seem to be horrible things. it started the moment my wife showed up at the hospital in LongIsland Newyork. she thought i just had amnesia, and I thought so too. after a week in the hospital being run tests on. they found it'd had a mental break. and labeled it as d.i.d. thought they weren't exploring the lengths to which it was.

when i tell you this next part try to keep in mind it was confusing to me too, and from what i've studied about the characteristics of D.I.D. can differ from case to case but simply said. I am not Sydney, but sydney is here somewhere in the background, and her and I are not alone. there is at least one more person in this mind going my Faith. With that said I'm Jane. I got that name from one of the scanning techs when they were checking my brain for problems.

I have spent 4 months here in Seattle trying to get some help figuring out how to deal with the D,I,D,

I hope someone can help me.

5 months in

A 2.5 month Thorn Bush

I have so much to update.

Many things I have no clue about.

The deal is. I have had a bout of Amnesia.  The doctors say" transient global amnesia." I'm not fond of being stabbed 8 times with needles. 

But learning from Sydney's phone that there is so much more going on in her life than my mere bloodshed.

I found she had a dream to sail.  She is animate about this dream.  So add someone whom has to look after this body till she arrives back.  I had to reassure the boat would still be on course.

Traking this time to reflect I hope to be out on the boat all times I can.

(April 3rd 2015)

A 2.5 month Thorn Bush

Lost Rigging

Sorting through what seemed like an endless pile of screws for my boat I have come to realize that not many of these parts actually go to any boat nor mine, and as a result I will need find what I need to put the rigging back together after taking it down for first splash. The moving costs to the water will be $230 if I pay somebody.

Well searching 1 sail and took it out to get clean and not find the job anywhere. I also found what I thought semi frozen water the hall completely added salt to it. With hopes that the freezing range would increase and allow soon humping of the water out.

Earlier this week I was scrubbing the entire hall and found nicks and cracks in the hole that concerned me. I hope that these are not signs of a larger problem and will steal them I fill in the bottom coat. Moving to the top scrubbing the cover I found one of the wooden slide rails to be broken and will need replacement to keep chatch lifting as well replace 3 tie down bolts. after I took a sample bolt from the lifting hood I noticed a tightly whatd sale bag stuffed deep into the compartment under the pilot area. Sure enough it was the jib and up on later inspection found it to be brilliant white with no damage besides slight oxidation on eyelets.

So the current status of my boat is full of water with supplies in ice 1 sail needing cleaned. Rigging pieces needing replaced railing cord getting tightened ropes needing replaced all ropes. As well as the GPS compass and rewiring of the electrical lights & accessories.

Current upside news is I have a solar panel for recharging the batteries I have 2 deep cycle batteries and a lot of solar lights and battery driven lights to utilize during sailing.

On the decisions pertaining to the course of my boat my goal is yet to be said due to the fact I do not want to jinx it . As for direction it will be south going from the north side of Long Island to Connecticut Connecticut to New Jersey via the East River. New Jersey to Delaware via open ocean. that is currently all I have root out and worked at plotting.

As I was cleaning the boat prior owner came out and handed me the manual for the book and a book on how to sale which included a picture prior to it being pulled out of the water. also in these papers were the fact sheet of investigation & happily a list of parts needed for the rigging.  There was a sheet from the marina that pulled it which also included the previous previous owners info. the most fearful thing read in this paperwork was a question mark around "fiberglass?"

It has been on my mind ever since.

Lost Rigging

One week till beginning work

I visited the boat today an did a nother survey album. I have high hopes that next week will start work on the minimals to place in water.

One week till: Survey
http://youtu.be/Hc2SrUF_Y-A

One week till beginning work

Needs

While looking through all the specs I also do not know what is in storage so I can tell everyone for sure that I need the following things and they are quite expensive. Of course everything is expensive to me monetarily.

•Solar car charger
• Battery cross cables
•wood saw
•10hp or higher outboard motor
• 3 dock bumpers
• compass
• 300+yards of various rope

This list may expand depending on what is in the storage locker. I know most of it but some of it is a? Including the sails may need replaced which puts me in a pickle.

Needs

The other side of the mirror

I am still planning to sail by late February.  My friends are trying to pitch in.  I am looking Into where to park or sail to.  My dream isn't where to go.  

I've thought about sailing for the big change in Thailand.  However I don't have a letter for it.  It's hard to talk about money when you have none.  I'm not a bum though.  I work.  I give recompense.  I do enjoy evading the horrid day job, but I also am dependant on the kindness of others. 

If I find myself making allot of attention.  I may consider a longer trip than Galveston Texas  via Florida. It's not about the place.  I just know I have a way of fixing it up there. 

Vlog

I would appreciate any opinions or help offered.  You can reach me at papersydney@Gmail.com

The other side of the mirror

6 days on the island

The success of dream relies allot on money, but not all of my dream matters to connect with money. 

The hard work, and my desire to find what it needs.  Be it blood, bruises or  new ropes.  It's more than the love of my dream. It's that chance to share it with all those friends, family and strangers whom perhaps will help me make it easier to share my dream.  I have a will.  I just need some help.

To help Please Like share & watch my vlogs

6 days on the island

Explanations

Explain because one of my friends to me what exactly am I doing? The truth is I can't say unless I am actually going to do it. So all the idea is and goals in the world mean nothing. I have ideas which are part of my dream . However the likelihood and she's these plans goals is based money or means. I know this because live a very poor. Life. Accepting that is what I am going to do. I keep hearing in my head.  "You have to build your dock for your boat to come in. " this statement folded my hopes and dreams into a small box.  To stare back at when I succeeded in making a living or became 70 yrs old and started to regret my dad Chase of someone's presumed normalcy.

Sydney Explains: http://youtu.be/PuiD0Oshyj8

Explanations

Goals and vision

I find it quite inspiring that there's more trans documentaries coming out I also no that I cannot film a documentary myself but I do have goals that are documentary worthy however. My goals will be public and anything else I film will probably be in something later. We are heading to the boat.  Hoping for a deal.  The other choice is in Huntington.  While bigger the supplies for finishing don't come with it.  I'm posting more pics once I can see inside.

YouTube for updates.
Support Trans India

Goals and vision

Today's goals

Looking forward to moving some stuff today.  Arranged storage yesterday and fixed a mistake I made at my friends house. 

The goals are hopeful.  Not over evening.  We'll be working to the Fay and heavy late this week.  31st is drop dead. .

Goals for the day: http://youtu.be/N9BDbUBXzRA

Today's goals

A storm.

There was more to The ice and rain today than in The video.  It turned into a Gale warning . That is something I'm happy not to be sailing in.  I know how under experienced with sail boats.  Motor boats are petty well known to me.  I am sad to say i didn't see The boat again today, but soon i will be able to see it & update you all with details! 

The down low 2nd day: http://youtu.be/Kaq_46CsjyM

A storm.

Launched PSSA..

My goal of making a life sailing. Has been so small under feed, and if it were anymore obvious my family might start freaking out.

Here's the skinny. I've not had a solid job since 2011. I've installed heartless job taking machines for 4years!. And not to profit from any of it. I've been pretty poor since I was young. I believe because I don't see any worth in paper money. Not a big politically active person. I chase the wind. The winds have rewarded me many times. I've been all I've been places no monitary poor person should Ever be many times over. how I've wished it was a boat.

So as I take this opportunity, and hold on with all the strength I have. I will get a boat, and be where I want to be.

Stay tuned to my new FB page Paper Sydney Sails Away and vlogs of how i'm doing with the quest to make my dreams come true.

Launched PSSA..

Wellington Regent Theater

A common night at the regent usually means kids laughing, people chitchatting randomly looking at the sponsors on the screen, patiently awaiting the movie.

A random popcorn fight takes hold bringing the high schoolers to a laugh, and some of the adults too. The promenade of people finding seats up near the old stage.

The last minute rush for treats, and refills before trailers start. Its a beautiful scene out of something seen in the days of the RatPack. All thats missing is the guys. The new projector goes dark, and the opening thanks for chosing the Regent Theater comes on, and the room lights dim.

A movie epic. Its a night for a sneek peek. Its rare in a small theater, but there it is. The cheers of the crowd as the movie opens.

Silence takes hold the mood grows intent. A few giggles as it starts.

Wellington Regent Theater

Books

The fact i've written a while book makes me feel a but at ease with what is going on still, but in all effort. I feel a failure when it comes to making the other side make sense. Two books are supposed to cross select the events  at the beginning. I feel pressed into a story that just pushes all the stress back in like it wasn't even the reason for the book. I blame myself for including foreign source material. I pulled a long dead string of dead aristocrat to fulfill a side plot, and unable to separate them I tried to cross the books together, but ended up pudding to much. More kidnapping?

I found so much wrong in context, and wording. I wondered if Susan Collins had written that part. I wish I could blame Booze, but there is none since the beginning of the year. No progress either.

The book keeps me from deciding to leave, and maybe I will make it tillI leave for the grand canyon.

4am and she's up again. These kids are messed up chemically. The book portrays them less screwed up.

I fear none of my anything makes any of their lives better. And the depression tries to swallow me again.

Books

A book

Hey can't believe that I written a book. 154 pages long
It is amazing. Not that i havent written a 500 page report for school. I definately am driven to write another angle of the same plot.

The first book is about someone getting away. The next will be about the place and people escaped from.

I feel self fullfillment about doing something this big with limited help from others. Maybe it was supposed to be now. I will get help editing this book & then publish for people to buy.

A book

Afraid of doctors

For the post year I've avoided my doctors, and tried not to make any appointments because of anxiety. Even walking out of an exam room.

Honestly, what the do they think I know that allows them to act like uncaring robots. What am I supposed to feel like when I don't meet a single person who can explain meds, and have compasion at least once in a 2 yr period.

I need meds, but I can suffer the anxiety to avoid seeing doctors that see me as a quick buck. A drug dealer might care more. But a knife to that organ could solve so much more..

I feel all this all the time. I wish I had a blog about all the fun, and experiences of sailing, but none for me. Just this drama.

Afraid of doctors

Outrageous

Free terry gilliam

Outrageous

I've been through a lot, but this is something that is oddly enough suspending my sense
and Only a few things cause my anxieties like that. I have had screaming, and huddled
moments, but I'm glad this wasn't that bad. I describe that kinda moment in the video
when I was working. I only hope this enables people to feel better.

My transition is their drug

Sooooo.. as everyone knows that's read this blog.. I have stalkers.. one is my Ex, and some others who don't know they're stalkers as much as they just stalk. 

I have been hard pressed to look through profiles, and messages  and risking letting some in, but what I know is!

Stalkers may give up when confronted, but then they come back, and start all over again. My Stalkers have a dyer need to know if I'm talking about them or about something they want to know. For example; anything about My transition is their DRUG. Them knowing my success or failures are creepy at the least. Facebook is now removing a direct Public Search block. This will bring me to their instant enjoyment. I've been noticing a few stalkers in the Facebook world circling friends, and trans persons. Dare I neglect the fact trans people in general are very searching. needing acceptance, and help, and community. the last being a joke. 

There'll always be stalkers, and while they exist. it's important they know they'll be known, and avoided when they cross the spectator line. I'm not a sports person or a celebrity, but where did the beginning of the mass option come.. I'm a person, and giving people sexual gratification or intellectual gratification. Nobody is a slave to others depraved needs.

I'm open to any thoughts on this, and open to updating my post with more insight.

My transition is their drug

A small, but reasonable life

I'm Envious.. Like none before this home, and it's defiance to waste, and shrugging of Micro-life brings me sad yearnings. Some I feel will never meet their conclusive ends.

Having been to Thoreau's Cabin's site, and read many words written by him. With many being driven by my own sadness I realize it may have been the simplest of things that kept him from walking too far into the snow, and holding a stone into the lake. 

A small, but reasonable life

Discussing TG

Discussing Transgender Rights

This is my opinion on how it gets to being more than considered a fad while our fellow travelers get murdered around us.

Discussing TG

Fighting that invasive Narcissist

As many people know I've got a depressive side.

Every time this comes up. I feel I have to explain it all over again, but it's pretty simple for those of us in PTSD that where physically assulted, and souls of those we knew shown as empty holes.

I can't promise I'll ever get over it. I was so entangled in the belief that the person I trusted, and tried to make feel comfortable, and happy in all aspects of my knowledge. I am not bringing this up to fall deeper into it. It's very easy to use it as a way to stir the pain.

My plot against it is to continue doing something that works, and doesn't, and fails, and thrives.

I've been planting veggies, and fruits for years now. pushing at 4 years easy. The decision to do it was a mistake of considering that everything I'd do would fail. It was my plan. Making that mistake I realized until I fail at it all. It became more fruitful than I'd wanted. and I keep trying bigger. As if to fail worse, but the truth is while the failure is what I hope to succeed at. It doesn't mean I will succeed,

I feel the best clarity of this is contrary-wise I'm growing something. Something I'd otherwise never see around me. something nobody around me would aim for, and to step forward where others don't even try to go. That is the true goal of building myself out of the depression, and the not talking.

Four years ago now. I was sitting in my room avoiding people, and even walmart as it's the only place you can go to limit one's interactions with others. I was on a single word conversation basis with my parents, and had no hope of having a love or a life. not even the Internet could snare me. I was sitting in my room watching sun rises, and sunsets, and eating what was brought to me.

Nobody forgets when that happens to them. It's sad, and soul pulling. I found myself wanting to kill myself again. the previous time being a failure. I was wanting to show people that I was death. I wouldn't be able to grow anything, A curse of soil as I touched it. Despite that it's very obvious it was a test of what i felt was lost to re-engage my social, and family connections.

Family wasn't anything close to helpful, but they were there, full of issues they'll never get past, and having nothing to say about it made me understand I didn't need them, and they didn't need me. Neither does anyone else in the world. The strength of humanity has to come from somewhere else. I don't know where to this very day, but I do enjoy talking to those who'll have me, and exersize the social chit chattery we've been raised to notice in a checkout lane. I feel it's better than a snickers or milkyway chocolate bar.


So by avoiding anyone who's cause me tears, and building my life around Only those who've wanted me. I feel I've grown as a person.

Fighting that invasive Narcissist

Sydney's Field Call Playlist 2012 version

Sydney's Field Call Playlist 2012 version

Trains, and Weddings

I've been thinking about these so hard my brain has taken on a world of it's own.

firstly I have to tell you I just found a dress that may fit! the wedding party is in august, but not many people are happy with a hot wedding.

My dreams are a mish-mosh of things i'm going through, and bad controlling things.

I fear that I'm fighting becoming a bridezilla without even having the money to zilla around. Last night I drempt I was showing off, and a bunch of people were trying to stop me from walking out of town down the railroad tracks, and they stopped me by knocking me out. I woke just in time to escape from them, and when I headed down the tracks I saw narrow gauge rails, and heard trolleys. This primarily comes from needing to make the parade float accurate, and I'm finding it hard to succeed even to the quality as last year.

I've come to realize that while the doll drivers, and the stuffed animals that surrounded them were signs of my happiness trying to be trilled back to life. I can't for the life of me find why I was running from my soon to be bro-in-law. and why I was also dreaming about taking care of a kid that wasn't mine.

I want to know why these things are so random, and yet feel like a world all their own. I have more of a life there sometimes than I have here in 1 month.

The wedding plans will be posted next. Ideas, and things I'm definitely able and happy to do.

Trains, and Weddings

New year Alone

New Years Eve, and no party to goto.

New year Alone

the End Came

As I know now the end of the world didn't come, and yet there are signs like coffee on every block... Oh wait that's cause I'm in Seattle.

Why am I in Seattle?

  The only way to explain it is. Odd fate. The fact that Kate's Gma was in the hospital, and     possibley that my parents wanted to shake us outta the tree, and find some peaches .. well I made that tree bit up, but it's cause Kate's Gma needed her, and so we flew out.

More to the Point. why am I know thrilled just to be in the area?

  I think the thrill hasn't come blazing in because I'm so trusting that nothing is as exciting as a greyhound bus station at 3am in the shadiest f-ing part of backhills Georgia

in clarity. Does it matter if I'm here or in Kansas?

  It matters to many people the friends, and family that support my endevors, and ideas. the thoughts of how I'd have made my way here alone and struggle through winter, and rain to find a line of my own to steam up. 

Will I ever get a paying job in any state..

  If only I know what was available, and it was easy to get to. what did we do before cars? I applied to all the close businesses that were hiring, and some not so-close that would allow for means to get to work, and such. 

Greatful thoughts..

  My thoughts of graditude are somewhat under thought, but I take a second here to thank Jayne, Paige, Margaret, and her lovely Amelia. Also the company, and enjoyable times Amelia(another) have had joking about Kate, and her history with the highschool, and we've made our own jokes.

Post thought. 

  If it were a fair world. the means would be clearly available, and the path clear enough to know where to put a foot. I travel the brush path. through thorns snag-weed, and all kinds of others slowing detouring, and poisoning things that are determined to stop my happy, and the happiness I mean to create. without home without nourishment I've made my way here, and to so-many other states, and cities. learning more about myself than anyone in some small town.. endurance is what is fading. I fight with it, and it flames up in spite of everything. Everyone. 

the End Came

Our Outting in Bellevue Washington

   A week into our Excursion.  
The Friends from highschool popped outta the woodwork, and all remembering Kate's Gma from all the Pool Parties, and the fun and care free fun from yesteryear.

My amazement is that there's a bunch of fun friends I'd not met last time we were here, and the flight was something new entirely. Taking off from Wichita Kansas we flew to Dallas Texas, and had not time to get lunch before we were on a flight into the pitch black..

The Dark can be entrancing, and spare your mind the existence of others below. 

A Planet below that makes you long for the reason that lights exist, and in the race to pursue the death bed of a loved one. Seeing Cities float by as it if they are simple webs made by a spider, and the Blackness a canvas to rely on when feeling encroached upon.

 

 An early Turkey day, and all the Beautiful trimmings..

 

 The Trip to Bellevue, Washington was amazing. I'd been once before, but only to the Barnes & Noble. This time we went to the mall, and looked at all the items rich people thing they want, and also the upper stories are home to some crazy coding people, and yes I saw a few escaping to The Cheesecake Factory!

 The Salad they served me was the healthiest thing I'd eaten in 6 months, and the Jokes we had about meeting with old classmates, and Middle aged men as a punchline. The new focus once we started eating was about the waitress not wearing a bra. I mentioned that maybe she needs a big tip so she can afford one.

  The night went on to include a bunch more drinks, and jokes, and laughing about history, and the crazy rich people that don't even notice other people exist.

My rush back to reclaim Kate's spare shirt from the cheesecake factory gave rise to a question... If you were walking in a crosswalk and bill gates pulled up, and had to stop for you. Would he quickly wave money at you to drive through the light?

 The Cuteness never stopped that night. I was debilitated from the running back, and found myself thinking this is my end, but instead.. It was the Happiest night in a super-long time. Kate, and her friend Amelia got the drinks, and I got the drive. It was crazy fun, and we watched crazy movies till she was clear enough to make the 2 min drive home.

 As we Listened to the band, and shouted NO EAGLES!!!!
The band dropped into high gear, and slapped in some Foreigner - Don't stop believing!, and the Lead singer posed for a few pics after the set was done.

And as we closed our Jont into the Bellevue area we found another joke we'd made on the way to getting dinner.. Kate, and Amelia are standing next to the Generator.... I mean a Huge Present. I was saying I want one of these generators they were using to power all the lights, and Amelia looked over, and saw the Present instead..

So off we went..  I drove us home.. and we'll be here till we're not wanted anymore.. j/k

.

Our Outting in Bellevue Washington

Washington STATE..

I'm going to be in a State of mind that I'm not often used to.

My Love's Gma's in the Hospital, and We're heading out tomorrow to visit for a few days. It's a Big deal because many things are hanging in the Balance.

The Money I've been saving for nearly two months is going to pay for my food, and what-not while I'm out there, and burns down or as P.C. as I can make it.. Puts off indefinately my tiny house project, and in which also I've been needing to get a Car, and was in means of being helped by the state, but as I'll be out of the state there'll be no looking no filing paper-work, and at the end of the month they'll close my case, and I'll have nothing, but my PTSD to show for all the *help I've received.

Yes, I'm sorry That you my readers have had to read that above, but I do feel a bit better typing it out.

On the other side. I will have to be the Stand-up person I'm supposed to be for my love, and help her through a very emotional, and quite a Page turn in her family's life.

Her Grand parents were there when the means didn't meet the needs. My Love grew up in a conjoined household, and the means are far from being met by them alone, and they know it. Like I'm guessing a lot of people are out in Washington. they as just slinking by with the help of Grandma. I am looking at more than a new page, and now I'm thinking if the world doesn't end. What will anyone do about all of this?

The economy, and the states, and the hatred, and the Bias all stewing in the media like it's the drug we can't help but take despite not a bit of wanting it.

I think I called my sisters to tell them I might need their help because they're not on the same page as me. Not able to see the drama, and the paycheck isn't enough, and while many have seen them make the joke of an effort to fill their needs with means & lies. I find myself Seeking Heatedly. The Means of a acceptable existence  I sometimes wonder how the Amish make the taxes on those farms, and fight the BIG GOVERNMENT. It's like they don't think the rest of us need it to. The Government that is.


My tiny house was my idea for the means to make the needs equalized.

The Hope is that I'll be Posting again soon. I'll have a lot to write about..

Washington STATE..

The Hold-up!

I've been trying to get the next edition of Sydney's Field Call out, but all I can do is be in pain.

I worked contract work this monday. I rarely find something that will work out for me getting to a job so-far away, but I did this time, and I'm hoping there won't be any hang-ups. That's funny. Hang-ups, and Hold-ups..

I'm hoping to get the Field call done soon, and I've almost found the right timing. I wish I were as scheduled as the other youtube Vets, but I also don't use this to live off of.

Perhaps I'll be posting the videos by this weekend..

The Hold-up!

Travels of aimless

I've found myself thinking about my travels across the eastern u.s. And I feel the fear that wieghed so heavily on me to the point I wouldnt care if people disliked me , and blinded me to my path. I think its probably the saddest thing about meeting all those wonderful, crazy, evil, blind, and senseless people friends and strangers. I look at it and feel like theres pieces missing.

Some thought goes into it. Perhaps blamming my overdose on lost memories, but i remember the people. I'd forgotten a few because of it, and took me months to remember faces. Which is how i remember people, and some i never too or couldnt take pictures of. It bothers me that for all that freedom i feel that its burdensome, and i just want to hide myself in a little room. Sadly Kate and i moved out of that scaredy hole i hid in, and at times more often than not i find a strong yerning to be back in that room. I wonder with scared sadness if i'll ever make it on my own or even out with Kate.


I wish i could just keep busy with projects and play music till i've fallen asleep...
If half the fb friends list treated me like a flesh in blood friend i'd feel blessed. Instead i was blessed with one GF with the force of a tank to hand my woes, and issues.

The drama i have will some day fall back in time and form an iceburg that'll sink mans dreams and kill hundreds. Till then i will mill it down best i can and try not to let my photo archive cause a depression that sinks me.

Travels of aimless

Sydney's Field Call Has a New Location..

Sydney's Field Call Returns

Sydney's Field Call Has a New Location..

Respect for Gender Diversity

I know This'll start to sound like the typical we beat ourselves up, and we don't care except when our individual rights come to question like when being beaten in our own homes. The Truth is it starts with Media.

K11 Movie - gender in prison

 Today's youth get Everything from the TV, Movies or the Internet, and hatred is revered as a win. I think if Every individual doesn't think of the outcome of the media they release it can be the nail in coffin for one or more of the gender diverse community. It's not as easy as NOT straight. Gays are not All GAY! It's a Pride thing for some, but everyone likes the things they like, and that diverges them from that BLACK & WHITE they so proudly Pride themselves on.

PRIDE

I was just thinking how funny it is to watch them guys making fun of gay sex in prison, but then .. is it?.. and when we film a Mock of such things when does those things guarantee the murder of someone that actor or director or writer doesn't even know? Sure it could be driven by a murder, and trying to make an audience feel connected with that freak with the 10 episode involvement, but when is is right to have the shown beaten? The sad fact is. What one person does effects others.

 Wait till you think about how easily people can beat themselves with the same material. I write this in Warning to all those whom decide to conceive a story to empower, disprove or disenfranchise the diverse nature of all Humanity. cause it's always taken as a truth to someone's mind.

Always remember. Gender diversity, and police never meet on equal ground.

Respect for Gender Diversity

Jobs

I've long time sought a job since transitioning, and found not responses to be those HR's water of the week in saving graces. I call they ignore, and I keep calling. I've come to read their moods, and how they're treating me. on the more subtle level. Today I'm going to try to nail down this job I finally got an interview for after a year of bugging. I feel it's worse this this wait a week, and call them again game. I think if the world was as easy to nail a job. than people would be happy in their lower end of poverty. even if they only work 10hrs a week. it's something, and the government seems to not understand that people shouldn't be seen as a plague, but as alot of marbles. No fun when marbles don't get moving, and when they're sitting there collecting dust they're doing more than that. they're making dents to get stuck in. I've worked management, and I've worked retail, and how far is it between. Not far at all. Seemed to me my managers were hired cause they have some voice tone or a sharp fashion look. getting to the top of the manager chain is a fruitless venture that results in aged sadness, and lost family time. So when I go into this job interview I'm planning to do my best, and remember it's only one job out of thousands and millions more I can make for myself. because when you're your own boss you have that freedom they all wish they had.

Jobs

Seems Only Yesterday

Seems Only Yesterday, I was saying I have no content. Well I looked at myself and Cringed.. then I started thinking Who cares what I post on here. I blog on livejournal, and here, and I don't really get any input as to what I should talk about with my friends. or all those other people who're trollin' Hiya Funny Trollies! So I'm not going to post anything important for a while, but I'll be sure to tell you all about how I have great ideas, and I'm completely plagued by the facts I have needs to accomplish them under the time-span of Forever. Speaking of which 2012 is already far under what I was expecting. the economy and the haters are really starting to whined down, and that makes me sad.. have they hit their Rage Peak? Can't I see someone ruin their career before the end of the mayan calender ends? I also was thinking there's only 2 ways the world can end under such a quick note. #1Israel nuking people for bullshit reasons #2 God really just stops it all! Congrats I don't believe that global warming will cause BLAH-BLAH BLAH! not that it won't make it harder to enjoy, and totally wasteful. I'm a conservative when it comes to personal waste. I think they need to sell politicians like Baseball members. The best, and brightest should be on the hill, and the pitcher should always be on the mound..*COUGH* i mean pulpit.. Or is that a priest's job? nuf for nao!

Seems Only Yesterday

Finding Content through the mirror.

Been a while since I put some time into posting some content. I've found there's less, and less I want seen by the masses, and nobody shows the point I have such a domain. I'm planning to remove the whole site, but at same time I think it'll come to a use somehow. Perhaps I'll post my up-coming Vlogs.. Perhaps I'll have an Imageboard linked up soon. Who-knows? Definitely not me.

Finding Content through the mirror.