I've been through a lot, but this is something that is oddly enough suspending my sense
and Only a few things cause my anxieties like that. I have had screaming, and huddled
moments, but I'm glad this wasn't that bad. I describe that kinda moment in the video
when I was working. I only hope this enables people to feel better.

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

I've been quite a shut-in since getting back from Washington. Things haven't been the best, and fearing the worst has brought my depression back.

Despite this. I've been trying to pursue a Tiny home Project, and also get the will together to start painting again. Painting has always allowed the long term feelings to merge with what i don't often get deep enough to vent or even when I have a Breakdown. the world just seems so-messed-up. I'm also a Rational person, and see what really holds me back. Too-little jobs, and a Government that won't do the hard decisive choice, and shut down global economics. Exports are lover than Imports, and there's no way to snap a bubble around the failure to understand that. The point is. I'm about as likely to find work as a Mexican at home depot as a Mexican these days.

I've not just given up either, but I also haven't put all my eggs in one basket. I'm seeing some options, and keeping them in mind as a walk forward day by day. one foot at a time.

The first time I've really been out since May is this 4th of July. I decided to goto my nieces' B-day party, and watch the town's fireworks afterward. the outcome was a nice time, and also captured some video on my cell-cam.
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Thanks for staying on my Following lists. I appreciate your Loyalty.

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

Back from The Oregon Trail

The Trip started in southern Kansas and made it's way to Salina where alot of settlers transversed through the Oregon Trail. We zigged, and Zagged. the mountains the landscape. Through Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington States. The Scenery is second to none I've seen in my 30yrs. I've seem Indians, and Mountains Trains, Planes, and Automobiles. The Trip never seemed to stop.

I would Recommend taking the trip yourself. Do remember that part of the fun is sleeping in your vehicle. Oregon will make you love the world, and Utah will make you wonder if you can get anything from a convieniece store. Wyoming like Kansas is few, and far between while Washington state will just be around the bend.

Back from The Oregon Trail

Some Artshow - Winfield's Art in the park (Island Park)

So many times I’ve seen others Setup, and show their wares, and All I could do is admire them. In 2009 I decided to releave some anxiety, and show my own works to the world. It was very short, and I felt it wasn’t enough, but I can say It was very good to feel like Someone besides my family had seen something. I don’t know much of the people whom go to these art shows, and I wouldn’t want to see them work to their product. I would rather see what best could be, and Not worry about being di-ceated for the means of winning a prize.

I Decided to paint a little to avoid the odd questions, and anxiety surrounding me in this time, and was painting furiously.. I painted, and painted, and what happened next was I heard Breathing. A LOT of Breathing. Nobody was behind the crowd that’d gathered to immortalize it on film, but there they children, and young teens all staring on. They were staring, and when they noticed I had stopped Like chickens without the feed being thrown at them took a second gathered their thoughts and Scurried out..

I Decided to paint a little to avoid the odd questions, and anxiety surrounding me in this time, and was painting furiously.. I paintined, and painted, and what happened next was I heard Breathing. A LOT of Breathing. Nobody was behind the crowd that’d gathered to immortalize it on film, but there they children, and young teens all staring on. They were staring, and when they noticed I had stopped Like chickens without the feed being thrown at them took a second gathered their thoughts and Scurried out..

I think If I do this again this year I’ll try to bring more than Photographs. Perhaps I’ll bring some motion Projects, and alot more things to hang what I make on hand (screen is not sturdy enough to hang paintings from.)

Sydney

Some Artshow - Winfield's Art in the park (Island Park)

Wellington Ks

As I'm sure everyone should have guessed by now I've got a town near me by the name of Wellington, and Of coarse there's a few places named the same, and it's not so-big, but It's not supposed to be.

Wellington was just passed over for a Casino. It'd have brought the commerce to a town rather than the county alone, and many have been behind, and angry at what they decided to do. They chose the far end of the county to setup the casino in, and it's probley going to fall through. No infrastucture, no power, and no work-force. So many stupid mistakes happen in kansas. I won't beguin with the thought to putting a sewage plant up on a hill, but I felt that needed to be said. Many people believe in this town, and I think it's got wonderful personality, and the buildings in downtown deserve to be seen as they are. the Commerce hub of the town. I've seen theathers close, and now reopen beautiful as new, and Buildings restored better than the 3yrs left in the weather. There's support, and they're suffering, and we all know there's some issues with a round-about coming up. But truely we all will find a beautiful way to keep Wellington a Wheat Mecha. where Trains Planes, Car's, and Trucks can live in harmony with the humans propelling them. The hard work of the few will always pay-off it's always going to be there in Wellington.

We'll see your joke, and laugh, and fire one back a time or two, but it will us whose laughing when you say Wellington is nothing. We'll see you expire or reword yourself in due time.

The Media for wellington isn't very good, but the grape vine fixes that, and makes it what it should be. a hopeful reminder that we've not seen the end, and never seen the middle. We'll fix our roads, and save our Memories as we can, and for reasons yet heard or seen.

Rural Kansas has what Urban Kansas will never remember. Mild Wild Pride.

Please Visit the new theater, and have a drink at Barefoot's. Braums is on the west side of the tracks, and A&W on the north side of 160 on 81Hwy. The community doesn't need a thank you as much as you need to see it. Art Festivals coming up soon, and Wheatfest in summer.

Wellington Ks

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

As I'm not to bore you with the Constant issues of a Cluster Gone Terribley wrong. I wanted to share with you Primarily my New Project which is Small shorts, and The first one is Based on the TG topics, and How the events play-out for one trans person after a night out.

I'll have stills up soon, but it's not the only thought in my head.

Another is based on how a midnight Vlogger finds the news isn't always what she's reporting.

I have been wokring on some Wind Related Projects aswell. Art has no bounds, and wind is one of those things that continues to power my love of music, and science.

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

Some times ....

I've just got to say I miss the ability to work for money,

so many new feelings. I'm curious why so many people think love is a self decided event.

Love is to me, and many other logical, and reason oriented persons. Starts at a whim, and could spawn after a large struggle. My love isn't something that can be bought. I've long known this, and endeavored to make relationships, and not worry about love. It's cat like nature can be distracting, and so can it's demonic side that makes you lie to yourself to make a pseudo love that only You feel.

As many gay, straight, and neutral people I know get trapped by a facet of this provocation.

Love isn't ment to be caught. It's ment to land on you like an Invisable bird.

Wonderland Has Closed

I for years have run my transition VLOG. It's been less, and less posted on. I even had my brother in law call me a freak on it last year. Despite how I should be posting to throw it back in his face. I really have nothing to post. My transition has stalled, and I doubt my transition will be further than It has gone. I'm very put down by the government being as much of failures as I myself. I feel they should be in their Parents' home thinking about how they could have stopped this from happening like myself over the past 2 years.

I doubt my life is going to guide me back to a life Vlog, and as such I decided to shut it down.

I've had a few comments in private about how I should possibly make a comment VLOG or something of critic videos of places, and people. I think If I were to do that I'd want to do it while doing things in my life. I have thought many times over the years about leaving and just winging it, and when all falls apart just hitching my way back to this little room in the middle of the dead ocean, and stew about the failure I am all Over again.

I think I'll goto Florida.

I would go west, but I'm not Horatio Alger. I also am nothing like Allen Ginsburg though I've admired his workings as such. I know that there's music, and culture in the sun, and Perhaps Some beach will be waiting there to Knock some sense into me. I think It should be one with Black hair from a Far west state, and tell me I'm a Dumb-ass for writing such a Ridiculous Blog.

So if you wish please watch my Last YouTube VLOG

Thanks for all the Good times, and your Support in the Bad times.

Please feel free to tell me any of the ideas you have for any new Channel. I'm not afraid to be on cam, and Speak. I could even read something For you.

Sydney

Wonderland Has Closed

Wellington Under the hammer

I've long since lived near this city called Wellington, Kansas. Often it's dwarfed by Wellington, New Zealand, But I'm often draw back by it's old downtown, and it's eerie stead-fastness. I know it sounds like a cheap line to try reselling a town's history to the new people walking the local roads. I don't think so. I see regrowth.

I see a Small downtown with life a-bloom. What is there you say? My brief talks with a building owner gave me the feeling that the

downtown's going to be a Beautiful people's place. I believe more than 25% of downtown Wellington is up for lease, and or Rent, and just needs that bunch of hard working, and Imaginative businesses that this country is known for.

I've spent many a day zooming up, and down the main street without so much as a cricket to walk across my scooter's path. Wellington has so much to offer. To it's town, and it's people.

The newest rebuilds are above, and to the left. I have on good authority that the one above has a Nice loft in it, and the Store front was recently used to test the market. Sadly I missed out on that. I hope the owner gives it another chance in the spring. the Markets really show more hope during the spring, and summer seasons. People of Wellington walk down the main street, and look through the more than often empty windows thinking what they'd love to have as a business to spend a pence at. I know I'm guilty of such aspirations

myself.

All we need is those farmers to give that "Nod", and put out the word that work is needed, and a town can once again spring to life. Too long has it been since farmers thought of more than McDonald's, and the gas stations as the only java in town. I think that's the reason why the bakery left, and the lawyers, and oil peoples set up shop in downtown. Why is the only college outlet in the highschool? isn't there enough room, and business to be had in downtown. I look forward to this Spring. You should take a look. It's Beautiful

Wellington Under the hammer

Winter

(this is a msg sent to someone on a personals site.)

I'd say something interesting is happening, but unless it's sleeding behind a 4x4 I doubt it'll be happening anytime soon. I'm not in great shape, and I have pains, but love getting out, and busy. walking hiking. blah blah I also don't believe in myself. though I know i can do alot. I've been safe with my body, but not my travels. if i'm interesting please feel free .. talk sometime.

this has been a curious moment,

Sydney

Winter

Heart on my shoulder

Seems everytime I make a comptemplative effort to add Joy to the lives of wichitans' I find something as DUMB as I don't want to be part of the Solution.

This is why Downtown is a Mass of Uninhabited buildings. Wichita is a Wasteland of junk, and Anything anyone does to try to bring some civic enjoyment back to it beside worry about dead people or crime rates going up. It all gets Ignored. No wonder When people leave town they never come back.

Dead-ita.

A place where greed, and self sufficiency haven't heard of one another.This is why when I give a hoot for DO-DA I try as hard as I can, But Wichita Depresses me, and 75% of it's population. The other percentage is mixed in with crime greed, and the children who should get used to it or get out as soon as they can.

And I won't be referencing Supposed Civil outlets again. They would rather be a reporting agency rather than the Friend we all knew and Loved since their conception.

Thanks you Wichita. For the Headaches the Depression, and the heartaches of un-civil promise. You will never be dear to me. only your GHOST will be around to comfort the weary.

Dead as the Indians, and Wonderland's Roller coaster (soon to be Joyland)

Heart on my shoulder

Re-Open Our Dreams, Joyland

Many Many Years have gone by and a Season has turned into a decade. Joyland our pride, and Joy. Our stern commitment to ourselves stands as resolute as Century II downtown. It's owners the Nelsons have tried hard to keep it land, and icons of our past standing, and in hallowed hopes that someday the means will come to revive our sleeping friend. Screams, and Cheers rattling through the neighborhoods that house the people whom just hold on. The productive means still aimed at the most Un-imaginative schemes and Build things that tighten the hopes around our dreams.

Nobody can tell us what we need, But I know that there are ways to keep people from spending 4hrs going to KC or OKC in search of amusements. Re-Open Joyland!

It's not just upto the Nelsons. It's upto the Hearts and Minds of Wichita Kansas.

I'd beg. Wouldn't you. Chime in, Logon, and just call those whom really have the Voice. Call city hall. Call Kake, Ksn, and Kwch! Tell them what you want to do next Spring. Say it with me.

"I Want To Goto Joyland."

I'll post the Feeds, and Numbers Below. all you have to do it pickup the phone, Click the Link or just speak to everyone you get the chance to. Say I miss Joyland, and We should Do something about it. Re-Open for The Service Men, and Women! So they Know what they've been fighting for.

Re-Open Our Dreams, Joyland

Spooky Bloom

The Alice shoot was taken in 2005. during a really dry year.

My commentary about WSU, and Kansas support for Trans People.

Set can be found at www.flickr.com

Spooky Bloom