Trains, and Weddings

I've been thinking about these so hard my brain has taken on a world of it's own.

firstly I have to tell you I just found a dress that may fit! the wedding party is in august, but not many people are happy with a hot wedding.

My dreams are a mish-mosh of things i'm going through, and bad controlling things.

I fear that I'm fighting becoming a bridezilla without even having the money to zilla around. Last night I drempt I was showing off, and a bunch of people were trying to stop me from walking out of town down the railroad tracks, and they stopped me by knocking me out. I woke just in time to escape from them, and when I headed down the tracks I saw narrow gauge rails, and heard trolleys. This primarily comes from needing to make the parade float accurate, and I'm finding it hard to succeed even to the quality as last year.

I've come to realize that while the doll drivers, and the stuffed animals that surrounded them were signs of my happiness trying to be trilled back to life. I can't for the life of me find why I was running from my soon to be bro-in-law. and why I was also dreaming about taking care of a kid that wasn't mine.

I want to know why these things are so random, and yet feel like a world all their own. I have more of a life there sometimes than I have here in 1 month.

The wedding plans will be posted next. Ideas, and things I'm definitely able and happy to do.

Trains, and Weddings

New year Alone

New Years Eve, and no party to goto.

New year Alone

the End Came

As I know now the end of the world didn't come, and yet there are signs like coffee on every block... Oh wait that's cause I'm in Seattle.

Why am I in Seattle?

  The only way to explain it is. Odd fate. The fact that Kate's Gma was in the hospital, and     possibley that my parents wanted to shake us outta the tree, and find some peaches .. well I made that tree bit up, but it's cause Kate's Gma needed her, and so we flew out.

More to the Point. why am I know thrilled just to be in the area?

  I think the thrill hasn't come blazing in because I'm so trusting that nothing is as exciting as a greyhound bus station at 3am in the shadiest f-ing part of backhills Georgia

in clarity. Does it matter if I'm here or in Kansas?

  It matters to many people the friends, and family that support my endevors, and ideas. the thoughts of how I'd have made my way here alone and struggle through winter, and rain to find a line of my own to steam up. 

Will I ever get a paying job in any state..

  If only I know what was available, and it was easy to get to. what did we do before cars? I applied to all the close businesses that were hiring, and some not so-close that would allow for means to get to work, and such. 

Greatful thoughts..

  My thoughts of graditude are somewhat under thought, but I take a second here to thank Jayne, Paige, Margaret, and her lovely Amelia. Also the company, and enjoyable times Amelia(another) have had joking about Kate, and her history with the highschool, and we've made our own jokes.

Post thought. 

  If it were a fair world. the means would be clearly available, and the path clear enough to know where to put a foot. I travel the brush path. through thorns snag-weed, and all kinds of others slowing detouring, and poisoning things that are determined to stop my happy, and the happiness I mean to create. without home without nourishment I've made my way here, and to so-many other states, and cities. learning more about myself than anyone in some small town.. endurance is what is fading. I fight with it, and it flames up in spite of everything. Everyone. 

the End Came

Our Outting in Bellevue Washington

   A week into our Excursion.  
The Friends from highschool popped outta the woodwork, and all remembering Kate's Gma from all the Pool Parties, and the fun and care free fun from yesteryear.

My amazement is that there's a bunch of fun friends I'd not met last time we were here, and the flight was something new entirely. Taking off from Wichita Kansas we flew to Dallas Texas, and had not time to get lunch before we were on a flight into the pitch black..

The Dark can be entrancing, and spare your mind the existence of others below. 

A Planet below that makes you long for the reason that lights exist, and in the race to pursue the death bed of a loved one. Seeing Cities float by as it if they are simple webs made by a spider, and the Blackness a canvas to rely on when feeling encroached upon.

 

 An early Turkey day, and all the Beautiful trimmings..

 

 The Trip to Bellevue, Washington was amazing. I'd been once before, but only to the Barnes & Noble. This time we went to the mall, and looked at all the items rich people thing they want, and also the upper stories are home to some crazy coding people, and yes I saw a few escaping to The Cheesecake Factory!

 The Salad they served me was the healthiest thing I'd eaten in 6 months, and the Jokes we had about meeting with old classmates, and Middle aged men as a punchline. The new focus once we started eating was about the waitress not wearing a bra. I mentioned that maybe she needs a big tip so she can afford one.

  The night went on to include a bunch more drinks, and jokes, and laughing about history, and the crazy rich people that don't even notice other people exist.

My rush back to reclaim Kate's spare shirt from the cheesecake factory gave rise to a question... If you were walking in a crosswalk and bill gates pulled up, and had to stop for you. Would he quickly wave money at you to drive through the light?

 The Cuteness never stopped that night. I was debilitated from the running back, and found myself thinking this is my end, but instead.. It was the Happiest night in a super-long time. Kate, and her friend Amelia got the drinks, and I got the drive. It was crazy fun, and we watched crazy movies till she was clear enough to make the 2 min drive home.

 As we Listened to the band, and shouted NO EAGLES!!!!
The band dropped into high gear, and slapped in some Foreigner - Don't stop believing!, and the Lead singer posed for a few pics after the set was done.

And as we closed our Jont into the Bellevue area we found another joke we'd made on the way to getting dinner.. Kate, and Amelia are standing next to the Generator.... I mean a Huge Present. I was saying I want one of these generators they were using to power all the lights, and Amelia looked over, and saw the Present instead..

So off we went..  I drove us home.. and we'll be here till we're not wanted anymore.. j/k

.

Our Outting in Bellevue Washington

Washington STATE..

I'm going to be in a State of mind that I'm not often used to.

My Love's Gma's in the Hospital, and We're heading out tomorrow to visit for a few days. It's a Big deal because many things are hanging in the Balance.

The Money I've been saving for nearly two months is going to pay for my food, and what-not while I'm out there, and burns down or as P.C. as I can make it.. Puts off indefinately my tiny house project, and in which also I've been needing to get a Car, and was in means of being helped by the state, but as I'll be out of the state there'll be no looking no filing paper-work, and at the end of the month they'll close my case, and I'll have nothing, but my PTSD to show for all the *help I've received.

Yes, I'm sorry That you my readers have had to read that above, but I do feel a bit better typing it out.

On the other side. I will have to be the Stand-up person I'm supposed to be for my love, and help her through a very emotional, and quite a Page turn in her family's life.

Her Grand parents were there when the means didn't meet the needs. My Love grew up in a conjoined household, and the means are far from being met by them alone, and they know it. Like I'm guessing a lot of people are out in Washington. they as just slinking by with the help of Grandma. I am looking at more than a new page, and now I'm thinking if the world doesn't end. What will anyone do about all of this?

The economy, and the states, and the hatred, and the Bias all stewing in the media like it's the drug we can't help but take despite not a bit of wanting it.

I think I called my sisters to tell them I might need their help because they're not on the same page as me. Not able to see the drama, and the paycheck isn't enough, and while many have seen them make the joke of an effort to fill their needs with means & lies. I find myself Seeking Heatedly. The Means of a acceptable existence  I sometimes wonder how the Amish make the taxes on those farms, and fight the BIG GOVERNMENT. It's like they don't think the rest of us need it to. The Government that is.


My tiny house was my idea for the means to make the needs equalized.

The Hope is that I'll be Posting again soon. I'll have a lot to write about..

Washington STATE..

The Hold-up!

I've been trying to get the next edition of Sydney's Field Call out, but all I can do is be in pain.

I worked contract work this monday. I rarely find something that will work out for me getting to a job so-far away, but I did this time, and I'm hoping there won't be any hang-ups. That's funny. Hang-ups, and Hold-ups..

I'm hoping to get the Field call done soon, and I've almost found the right timing. I wish I were as scheduled as the other youtube Vets, but I also don't use this to live off of.

Perhaps I'll be posting the videos by this weekend..

The Hold-up!

Travels of aimless

I've found myself thinking about my travels across the eastern u.s. And I feel the fear that wieghed so heavily on me to the point I wouldnt care if people disliked me , and blinded me to my path. I think its probably the saddest thing about meeting all those wonderful, crazy, evil, blind, and senseless people friends and strangers. I look at it and feel like theres pieces missing.

Some thought goes into it. Perhaps blamming my overdose on lost memories, but i remember the people. I'd forgotten a few because of it, and took me months to remember faces. Which is how i remember people, and some i never too or couldnt take pictures of. It bothers me that for all that freedom i feel that its burdensome, and i just want to hide myself in a little room. Sadly Kate and i moved out of that scaredy hole i hid in, and at times more often than not i find a strong yerning to be back in that room. I wonder with scared sadness if i'll ever make it on my own or even out with Kate.


I wish i could just keep busy with projects and play music till i've fallen asleep...
If half the fb friends list treated me like a flesh in blood friend i'd feel blessed. Instead i was blessed with one GF with the force of a tank to hand my woes, and issues.

The drama i have will some day fall back in time and form an iceburg that'll sink mans dreams and kill hundreds. Till then i will mill it down best i can and try not to let my photo archive cause a depression that sinks me.

Travels of aimless

Sydney's Field Call Has a New Location..

Sydney's Field Call Returns

Sydney's Field Call Has a New Location..

Respect for Gender Diversity

I know This'll start to sound like the typical we beat ourselves up, and we don't care except when our individual rights come to question like when being beaten in our own homes. The Truth is it starts with Media.

K11 Movie - gender in prison

 Today's youth get Everything from the TV, Movies or the Internet, and hatred is revered as a win. I think if Every individual doesn't think of the outcome of the media they release it can be the nail in coffin for one or more of the gender diverse community. It's not as easy as NOT straight. Gays are not All GAY! It's a Pride thing for some, but everyone likes the things they like, and that diverges them from that BLACK & WHITE they so proudly Pride themselves on.

PRIDE

I was just thinking how funny it is to watch them guys making fun of gay sex in prison, but then .. is it?.. and when we film a Mock of such things when does those things guarantee the murder of someone that actor or director or writer doesn't even know? Sure it could be driven by a murder, and trying to make an audience feel connected with that freak with the 10 episode involvement, but when is is right to have the shown beaten? The sad fact is. What one person does effects others.

 Wait till you think about how easily people can beat themselves with the same material. I write this in Warning to all those whom decide to conceive a story to empower, disprove or disenfranchise the diverse nature of all Humanity. cause it's always taken as a truth to someone's mind.

Always remember. Gender diversity, and police never meet on equal ground.

Respect for Gender Diversity

Jobs

I've long time sought a job since transitioning, and found not responses to be those HR's water of the week in saving graces. I call they ignore, and I keep calling. I've come to read their moods, and how they're treating me. on the more subtle level. Today I'm going to try to nail down this job I finally got an interview for after a year of bugging. I feel it's worse this this wait a week, and call them again game. I think if the world was as easy to nail a job. than people would be happy in their lower end of poverty. even if they only work 10hrs a week. it's something, and the government seems to not understand that people shouldn't be seen as a plague, but as alot of marbles. No fun when marbles don't get moving, and when they're sitting there collecting dust they're doing more than that. they're making dents to get stuck in. I've worked management, and I've worked retail, and how far is it between. Not far at all. Seemed to me my managers were hired cause they have some voice tone or a sharp fashion look. getting to the top of the manager chain is a fruitless venture that results in aged sadness, and lost family time. So when I go into this job interview I'm planning to do my best, and remember it's only one job out of thousands and millions more I can make for myself. because when you're your own boss you have that freedom they all wish they had.

Jobs

Seems Only Yesterday

Seems Only Yesterday, I was saying I have no content. Well I looked at myself and Cringed.. then I started thinking Who cares what I post on here. I blog on livejournal, and here, and I don't really get any input as to what I should talk about with my friends. or all those other people who're trollin' Hiya Funny Trollies! So I'm not going to post anything important for a while, but I'll be sure to tell you all about how I have great ideas, and I'm completely plagued by the facts I have needs to accomplish them under the time-span of Forever. Speaking of which 2012 is already far under what I was expecting. the economy and the haters are really starting to whined down, and that makes me sad.. have they hit their Rage Peak? Can't I see someone ruin their career before the end of the mayan calender ends? I also was thinking there's only 2 ways the world can end under such a quick note. #1Israel nuking people for bullshit reasons #2 God really just stops it all! Congrats I don't believe that global warming will cause BLAH-BLAH BLAH! not that it won't make it harder to enjoy, and totally wasteful. I'm a conservative when it comes to personal waste. I think they need to sell politicians like Baseball members. The best, and brightest should be on the hill, and the pitcher should always be on the mound..*COUGH* i mean pulpit.. Or is that a priest's job? nuf for nao!

Seems Only Yesterday

Finding Content through the mirror.

Been a while since I put some time into posting some content. I've found there's less, and less I want seen by the masses, and nobody shows the point I have such a domain. I'm planning to remove the whole site, but at same time I think it'll come to a use somehow. Perhaps I'll post my up-coming Vlogs.. Perhaps I'll have an Imageboard linked up soon. Who-knows? Definitely not me.

Finding Content through the mirror.

Dirty Life.

The thoughts had smashed through my mind many times.

To kill my most hateful disfiguring issue.

I've spent four years fighting to keep myself from jumping off a bridge or cutting my wrists, and or overdosing on medications. all of which shy of jumping off the bridge I've done.

Does it make a difference to the person who caused the trauma?
Does she tell the people that give her such power to be around, and publicly elevated. while her ex muse. The Star of her puppet show(http://www.chaotickiss.com/). Suffering in the trauma of being strangled at her hands, and made to suffer under indifference.

I still like so-many others wonder why this all happened.

I have a hard time getting past it all.

mean while back in New England.. She's told everyone I never existed, and she made the name up herself, and told me since I wasn't born Sydney Bloom she has all the rights to steal that bubbly happy spirit of mine, and make it love a idealized version of her Lesbian self. All while she's lying to transgender Ladies, and making a mockery of the enjoyment of her cooshie life at her mom's house. She'll never move past her free-ride to make an equitable life with her own rules, and responsibilities.

As for me. I'll keep trying to get my face out of the forgotten mud, and perhaps someday may even sue for my name to be off her mockery of a comic that without my likeness would fail.

LAWFULLY,
Sydney

p.s. all responses to my post by her will be made public.

Dirty Life.

Sydney's Fieldcall - 05 - Irene the Gay Opera

I missed calling some friends, and Hope they'll be okay. The Pastor guys all blame the Irene on gay's just like every icecream cone that falls on the ground at Disney. Also tried not to sound like I was advertizing for AngryBirds.. I think I'll install it on my GF's Laptop!

Sydney's Fieldcall - 05 - Irene the Gay Opera

Sydney's Fieldcall - 04 - Banana fone..

Spending way too many days being entertained by the net, and found myself under a no-more content umbrella... where's the next wave.. I need to catch it!

Sydney's Fieldcall - 04 - Banana fone..

Nothing can stop hate..

I've found hate in those who are hated.

Nothing can stop hate..

S2 : E4 Rocky Road Hrt

My Support is probley as good as it gets in Kansas. unless I lived near a Gender Center.. LOL I'm soo Far away from Laurence,KS. Support in Wichita has always been a JOKE. like the Joke that's ment to hurt. Feel it burn you mis-guided care despensories!!

I've also got two job interviews lines up. one for the morning and one the 23rd. I feel a better chance at these since I worked hard to make them notice me...

S2 : E4 Rocky Road Hrt

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

I've been quite a shut-in since getting back from Washington. Things haven't been the best, and fearing the worst has brought my depression back.

Despite this. I've been trying to pursue a Tiny home Project, and also get the will together to start painting again. Painting has always allowed the long term feelings to merge with what i don't often get deep enough to vent or even when I have a Breakdown. the world just seems so-messed-up. I'm also a Rational person, and see what really holds me back. Too-little jobs, and a Government that won't do the hard decisive choice, and shut down global economics. Exports are lover than Imports, and there's no way to snap a bubble around the failure to understand that. The point is. I'm about as likely to find work as a Mexican at home depot as a Mexican these days.

I've not just given up either, but I also haven't put all my eggs in one basket. I'm seeing some options, and keeping them in mind as a walk forward day by day. one foot at a time.

The first time I've really been out since May is this 4th of July. I decided to goto my nieces' B-day party, and watch the town's fireworks afterward. the outcome was a nice time, and also captured some video on my cell-cam.
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Thanks for staying on my Following lists. I appreciate your Loyalty.

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

Back from The Oregon Trail

The Trip started in southern Kansas and made it's way to Salina where alot of settlers transversed through the Oregon Trail. We zigged, and Zagged. the mountains the landscape. Through Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington States. The Scenery is second to none I've seen in my 30yrs. I've seem Indians, and Mountains Trains, Planes, and Automobiles. The Trip never seemed to stop.

I would Recommend taking the trip yourself. Do remember that part of the fun is sleeping in your vehicle. Oregon will make you love the world, and Utah will make you wonder if you can get anything from a convieniece store. Wyoming like Kansas is few, and far between while Washington state will just be around the bend.

Back from The Oregon Trail

The Organic Sister

TheOrganicSister is a site developed by Tara Wagner, and Her Focus is on anything helpful to nature, and Practical living.

I've been doing a Whole "Tiny home" search, and aligned with Tiny House Living or was it Tiny House Design. I've found some of her words Happily helpful, and The Spirit is something I see myself having while Pursuing my next projects.

The Organic Sister

Some Artshow - Winfield's Art in the park (Island Park)

So many times I’ve seen others Setup, and show their wares, and All I could do is admire them. In 2009 I decided to releave some anxiety, and show my own works to the world. It was very short, and I felt it wasn’t enough, but I can say It was very good to feel like Someone besides my family had seen something. I don’t know much of the people whom go to these art shows, and I wouldn’t want to see them work to their product. I would rather see what best could be, and Not worry about being di-ceated for the means of winning a prize.

I Decided to paint a little to avoid the odd questions, and anxiety surrounding me in this time, and was painting furiously.. I painted, and painted, and what happened next was I heard Breathing. A LOT of Breathing. Nobody was behind the crowd that’d gathered to immortalize it on film, but there they children, and young teens all staring on. They were staring, and when they noticed I had stopped Like chickens without the feed being thrown at them took a second gathered their thoughts and Scurried out..

I Decided to paint a little to avoid the odd questions, and anxiety surrounding me in this time, and was painting furiously.. I paintined, and painted, and what happened next was I heard Breathing. A LOT of Breathing. Nobody was behind the crowd that’d gathered to immortalize it on film, but there they children, and young teens all staring on. They were staring, and when they noticed I had stopped Like chickens without the feed being thrown at them took a second gathered their thoughts and Scurried out..

I think If I do this again this year I’ll try to bring more than Photographs. Perhaps I’ll bring some motion Projects, and alot more things to hang what I make on hand (screen is not sturdy enough to hang paintings from.)

Sydney

Some Artshow - Winfield's Art in the park (Island Park)

Wellington Ks

As I'm sure everyone should have guessed by now I've got a town near me by the name of Wellington, and Of coarse there's a few places named the same, and it's not so-big, but It's not supposed to be.

Wellington was just passed over for a Casino. It'd have brought the commerce to a town rather than the county alone, and many have been behind, and angry at what they decided to do. They chose the far end of the county to setup the casino in, and it's probley going to fall through. No infrastucture, no power, and no work-force. So many stupid mistakes happen in kansas. I won't beguin with the thought to putting a sewage plant up on a hill, but I felt that needed to be said. Many people believe in this town, and I think it's got wonderful personality, and the buildings in downtown deserve to be seen as they are. the Commerce hub of the town. I've seen theathers close, and now reopen beautiful as new, and Buildings restored better than the 3yrs left in the weather. There's support, and they're suffering, and we all know there's some issues with a round-about coming up. But truely we all will find a beautiful way to keep Wellington a Wheat Mecha. where Trains Planes, Car's, and Trucks can live in harmony with the humans propelling them. The hard work of the few will always pay-off it's always going to be there in Wellington.

We'll see your joke, and laugh, and fire one back a time or two, but it will us whose laughing when you say Wellington is nothing. We'll see you expire or reword yourself in due time.

The Media for wellington isn't very good, but the grape vine fixes that, and makes it what it should be. a hopeful reminder that we've not seen the end, and never seen the middle. We'll fix our roads, and save our Memories as we can, and for reasons yet heard or seen.

Rural Kansas has what Urban Kansas will never remember. Mild Wild Pride.

Please Visit the new theater, and have a drink at Barefoot's. Braums is on the west side of the tracks, and A&W on the north side of 160 on 81Hwy. The community doesn't need a thank you as much as you need to see it. Art Festivals coming up soon, and Wheatfest in summer.

Wellington Ks

Waste, and Pain

The Most harmful things are all around us.

Our Neighbors !

So many people, and so little space. I do believe I can Look at the Rockefellers, and say I don't get why you can't be more inventive than Killing millions of people to stop the ravaged earth situation. Yes, We're doing so much less, and Yes we're half stupid while doing our daily non-productive stint, But what can anyone do when there's no chance to remove the footprints your 10X Great grand parents have done? Look at the oldest cities, and think. where is all their trash, and destructive footprints?

Nobody can be moved to do anything without some sort of win for them. something that makes materialism, and the basic needs happy, and socialization is a good percentage of the population's healthy needs. I, and I'm sure a few others have come to the mind set that there's not going to be anything for us if we don't look at the reality, and then look at the recyclism second.

Anything we can do to keep the process of life going, and that means keeping our Diverse culture alive as well.

Don't forget Recycling will one day be the Industrial trade of tomorrow.

Waste, and Pain

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

As I'm not to bore you with the Constant issues of a Cluster Gone Terribley wrong. I wanted to share with you Primarily my New Project which is Small shorts, and The first one is Based on the TG topics, and How the events play-out for one trans person after a night out.

I'll have stills up soon, but it's not the only thought in my head.

Another is based on how a midnight Vlogger finds the news isn't always what she's reporting.

I have been wokring on some Wind Related Projects aswell. Art has no bounds, and wind is one of those things that continues to power my love of music, and science.

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

Waking to a New Sun Rising

It's Like a new sun rising every time things start looking up. Like a Whole new Ball of hydrogen is burning just to brighten the world just to fix anyone's

My mother while listening to her Cohen, and surfing a few sites ran across this cover by Antony & the Johnsons.

Antony is a Self described Transgender Gay. There's so many people confused in the U.S. that it's just easier to dismiss it, and enjoy the Very wonderful music sung by Antony, and played by the Johnsons. I recommend it aswell, and Hope that someday we understand that the differences about people are what make us wonderful, and not crazy.

I've linked Antony's site below.

Antony & the Johnsons

They've also played with Bjork. I've always loved her music.

Waking to a New Sun Rising

Second Life, The only life I seem to have at times

It's always nice to escape into another world.

A land where you have a few caring souls.

Mine is shared with a family where I'm not just a Fixture. I'm the kitty.

"Rene: my love

Rene: i miss u greatly

Rene: love u greatly baby"

I don't take it like a hit off a cigarette.

I accept it with as much heart as possible for that moment. I go missing Like the cat I am. I know I can't be there all the time, and so does my loved ones.

I'm always on the lookout for how to run my own server of SL like operations. I know I'd keep it safe, and only have those who love, and need some place to be free within my means to create, and save their hearts from the vast, and diverse masses of the ever so shrinking freedom of the net.

Second Life, The only life I seem to have at times

Wheat Faerie (Draft)

The story starts like any other. With a tragedy. The long hard earned success of the midwest's wheat barrons has come to a close. having less and less people from the area harvesting, and a crippling town influx of sales. Wheat barrons seemed to have went the way of the greek gods.

Our story's happier side stems from this overwhelming down turn. The once small dream of two people has come to find itself in a stalling economy. The return of their son to the old farm brings new life to what would almost be a generic drama. Traveling through lands far, and wide the son had a few trinkets. Marbles from Italy, wine from France, Seeds from India, and many other things from many other countries. The only thing is He doesn't know what he has. A small rock he'd found in Ireland was not just some rock with a hole in it.

Many decades back. When magic, and mystical creatures roamed the lands the fae world was dwindling. It's unsure that any if at all died. The world just didn't allow the effects of the enchanted world to shine directly on the world that is today. The stone was one of many ways to bring a Fae into the world. For many reasons the origin of this stone is clouded from us, and some silly traveler with a collection of what-not's has ended up with this stone, and as he unpacks his boxes into his family's home he grabs the Irish stone, and sits it up on a small shelf in his farm house room.

Yes, things grow, and not many crops can be grown without many new nutrients being shoveled, spaded, and disced into the land. The Wheat Barron's would have controlled the nutrients, and kept the crops balanced. Insuring the plentiful harvest, and the celebrations that'd follow.

Newspaper reads, "Wheat Barron's " Editorial columns are all the rage this time of year. the gossip, and scandals of harvesters, and people looking for the work so much they harvest someone's field early. Columnist John Franco says. "Greed has replaced the neglect of the Barron's that held our hands so long ago. Greed brought us larger machines, and left thousands jobless, and once proud farmers have resorted to harvesting prematurely to avoid the random onset of crop theft.

Wheat Faerie (Draft)

Grateful I am.

I was thinking the last thing to do before I can't is post alot of these thoughts into this blog. I'm not certain if I will be keeping up on this site, and Pinkisl33t has been my web home since I worked back in 04'

Time has only warned me about the darkness of being away from the company of others.

I'm greatful for the company of Kate, and her very unique drama. Yes she Catches on fire, and the Birds flap around the room in a multi-orbital pattern..

Grateful I am.

Some times ....

I've just got to say I miss the ability to work for money,

so many new feelings. I'm curious why so many people think love is a self decided event.

Love is to me, and many other logical, and reason oriented persons. Starts at a whim, and could spawn after a large struggle. My love isn't something that can be bought. I've long known this, and endeavored to make relationships, and not worry about love. It's cat like nature can be distracting, and so can it's demonic side that makes you lie to yourself to make a pseudo love that only You feel.

As many gay, straight, and neutral people I know get trapped by a facet of this provocation.

Love isn't ment to be caught. It's ment to land on you like an Invisable bird.

Todays Failures

I'm no Mentor

Those words came streaming to me when I realized all those people I thought I'd changed their lives, and some think the same thing. I'm nothing if not honest. When I find out things about myself they get chiseled out into my skull, and it's like tattoos. Like words on my skin. like deformations in my physical form. I know I've not changed any

thing in those lives. I've done nothing. All I can say I've done is inspire to create. It's a dirty word these days. Creating!

Creating a spill that's horrible,

Creating life which will suffer for your inadequacies,

Creating new space for prisoners,

Creating new jobs,

Creating a party of people whom just want to make people suffer.

I've thought about being the less creative mind in my age, and sporting the shot that'll ring red into the face of haters, and all I can say is. I don't want to.

Haters never learn, and cheaters prosper for a while at least.

I'm certainly been cursed with the inability plague. I have more but this isn't the time for self loathing.. just some reflections on who I am.

I'm an Inspiration

Todays Failures

Movement.

Today is going to be a Movement. I doubt anyone follows me on that thought, but If I were you I'd just sit back, and say "Bring me more of what she's having." I've been feeling infused with some intelectual thought, and it's going to be put to work today with finding a place to move out to. Not that I'll succeed, but I like the thought of having a studio for my nw VLOGS, and the newer photos I'm planning..

Well all for now. Will Update Post Day..

Movement.

updating the world of smarts.

With the BP spill, Terrorism, and life as we know it facing crisis ever day. I go back to the old unheard statement I was taught by who knows whom. Take it easy, and focus on the things you can do to see to your survival.

This year I've really struggled

with that thought, and come through the bad weather, and emotional hardships with 3 tomato plants, and some carrots. Hopefully Halloween will be a happy time for the world around, and perhaps I'll be able to sell some pumpkins. I know this all seems like I've become some sorted bag of nuts, but I must say. The world is equally as fruity. I need something to do, and because all those jobs

I've applied for have seen fit to lawfully discriminate or just basically run outta jobs to fill, and forgetting to tell me I'm not one of the lucky ones. I'm doing this.

Himegi castle, Japan

My vlogs will be coming back up soon, and hopefully so will my optimism. As many people whom know about me hear. I've got some heart, and a lotta brains, and yet can't seem to put the both together long enough to come out ahead. I've got alot of people whom when they say something for me to do. They say somethings like these ; "why don't you move out?", "why don't you come live here?", "go get a job, and you'll be able to move out.", "can't you just file for unemployment?", find a Sugar Daddy/Mommy!", "go get some 420.", "you need to be on meds.". All that aside I've no job to claim unemployment from, and there's no gas station with in 8 miles let alone anything resembling work that's not taken by those people called "FARMERS". I know if I moved out I'd have to pay for a place or maybe even live on the streets at least a few weeks. maybe a month+, Or that Infamous one. If I wanted to I couldn't even do that. I know it's easy to freebase, and It's really easy to hang over people's houses, but when you don't know anyone around the area, and if I should ever get one to come out here that'd probley never happen. dealers aren't pizza delivery out in the Boonies. Get some sense can call me in the morning..

I hope to be posting on youtube soon.

updating the world of smarts.

NOT Pinkisl33t

The thought just rang through my head.

Did I just post a big infoburst saying Pinkisl33t, and the View from Inside Wonderland is closing?

I'm not shutting down Pinkisl33t, and Not the Blog. So.. no need to fear.

NOT Pinkisl33t

Wonderland Has Closed

I for years have run my transition VLOG. It's been less, and less posted on. I even had my brother in law call me a freak on it last year. Despite how I should be posting to throw it back in his face. I really have nothing to post. My transition has stalled, and I doubt my transition will be further than It has gone. I'm very put down by the government being as much of failures as I myself. I feel they should be in their Parents' home thinking about how they could have stopped this from happening like myself over the past 2 years.

I doubt my life is going to guide me back to a life Vlog, and as such I decided to shut it down.

I've had a few comments in private about how I should possibly make a comment VLOG or something of critic videos of places, and people. I think If I were to do that I'd want to do it while doing things in my life. I have thought many times over the years about leaving and just winging it, and when all falls apart just hitching my way back to this little room in the middle of the dead ocean, and stew about the failure I am all Over again.

I think I'll goto Florida.

I would go west, but I'm not Horatio Alger. I also am nothing like Allen Ginsburg though I've admired his workings as such. I know that there's music, and culture in the sun, and Perhaps Some beach will be waiting there to Knock some sense into me. I think It should be one with Black hair from a Far west state, and tell me I'm a Dumb-ass for writing such a Ridiculous Blog.

So if you wish please watch my Last YouTube VLOG

Thanks for all the Good times, and your Support in the Bad times.

Please feel free to tell me any of the ideas you have for any new Channel. I'm not afraid to be on cam, and Speak. I could even read something For you.

Sydney

Wonderland Has Closed

How Long..

I'm curious how long it'll be till someone notices my social sites have been reduced or removed.. I just got my videos removed from public view, and Facebook is soo Missing.. LOL.. 500+ppl haven't noticed I'm gone.

We'll see.

Plans-

Getting Jessica Goetke's Samples done

Getting the basiscs of my book outlined.

going on a small trip, and then planning another soon-there-after

How Long..