Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

I've been quite a shut-in since getting back from Washington. Things haven't been the best, and fearing the worst has brought my depression back.

Despite this. I've been trying to pursue a Tiny home Project, and also get the will together to start painting again. Painting has always allowed the long term feelings to merge with what i don't often get deep enough to vent or even when I have a Breakdown. the world just seems so-messed-up. I'm also a Rational person, and see what really holds me back. Too-little jobs, and a Government that won't do the hard decisive choice, and shut down global economics. Exports are lover than Imports, and there's no way to snap a bubble around the failure to understand that. The point is. I'm about as likely to find work as a Mexican at home depot as a Mexican these days.

I've not just given up either, but I also haven't put all my eggs in one basket. I'm seeing some options, and keeping them in mind as a walk forward day by day. one foot at a time.

The first time I've really been out since May is this 4th of July. I decided to goto my nieces' B-day party, and watch the town's fireworks afterward. the outcome was a nice time, and also captured some video on my cell-cam.
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Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

Back from The Oregon Trail

The Trip started in southern Kansas and made it's way to Salina where alot of settlers transversed through the Oregon Trail. We zigged, and Zagged. the mountains the landscape. Through Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington States. The Scenery is second to none I've seen in my 30yrs. I've seem Indians, and Mountains Trains, Planes, and Automobiles. The Trip never seemed to stop.

I would Recommend taking the trip yourself. Do remember that part of the fun is sleeping in your vehicle. Oregon will make you love the world, and Utah will make you wonder if you can get anything from a convieniece store. Wyoming like Kansas is few, and far between while Washington state will just be around the bend.

Back from The Oregon Trail

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

As I'm not to bore you with the Constant issues of a Cluster Gone Terribley wrong. I wanted to share with you Primarily my New Project which is Small shorts, and The first one is Based on the TG topics, and How the events play-out for one trans person after a night out.

I'll have stills up soon, but it's not the only thought in my head.

Another is based on how a midnight Vlogger finds the news isn't always what she's reporting.

I have been wokring on some Wind Related Projects aswell. Art has no bounds, and wind is one of those things that continues to power my love of music, and science.

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

Waking to a New Sun Rising

It's Like a new sun rising every time things start looking up. Like a Whole new Ball of hydrogen is burning just to brighten the world just to fix anyone's

My mother while listening to her Cohen, and surfing a few sites ran across this cover by Antony & the Johnsons.

Antony is a Self described Transgender Gay. There's so many people confused in the U.S. that it's just easier to dismiss it, and enjoy the Very wonderful music sung by Antony, and played by the Johnsons. I recommend it aswell, and Hope that someday we understand that the differences about people are what make us wonderful, and not crazy.

I've linked Antony's site below.

Antony & the Johnsons

They've also played with Bjork. I've always loved her music.

Waking to a New Sun Rising

Second Life, The only life I seem to have at times

It's always nice to escape into another world.

A land where you have a few caring souls.

Mine is shared with a family where I'm not just a Fixture. I'm the kitty.

"Rene: my love

Rene: i miss u greatly

Rene: love u greatly baby"

I don't take it like a hit off a cigarette.

I accept it with as much heart as possible for that moment. I go missing Like the cat I am. I know I can't be there all the time, and so does my loved ones.

I'm always on the lookout for how to run my own server of SL like operations. I know I'd keep it safe, and only have those who love, and need some place to be free within my means to create, and save their hearts from the vast, and diverse masses of the ever so shrinking freedom of the net.

Second Life, The only life I seem to have at times

Grateful I am.

I was thinking the last thing to do before I can't is post alot of these thoughts into this blog. I'm not certain if I will be keeping up on this site, and Pinkisl33t has been my web home since I worked back in 04'

Time has only warned me about the darkness of being away from the company of others.

I'm greatful for the company of Kate, and her very unique drama. Yes she Catches on fire, and the Birds flap around the room in a multi-orbital pattern..

Grateful I am.

Some times ....

I've just got to say I miss the ability to work for money,

so many new feelings. I'm curious why so many people think love is a self decided event.

Love is to me, and many other logical, and reason oriented persons. Starts at a whim, and could spawn after a large struggle. My love isn't something that can be bought. I've long known this, and endeavored to make relationships, and not worry about love. It's cat like nature can be distracting, and so can it's demonic side that makes you lie to yourself to make a pseudo love that only You feel.

As many gay, straight, and neutral people I know get trapped by a facet of this provocation.

Love isn't ment to be caught. It's ment to land on you like an Invisable bird.

Todays Failures

I'm no Mentor

Those words came streaming to me when I realized all those people I thought I'd changed their lives, and some think the same thing. I'm nothing if not honest. When I find out things about myself they get chiseled out into my skull, and it's like tattoos. Like words on my skin. like deformations in my physical form. I know I've not changed any

thing in those lives. I've done nothing. All I can say I've done is inspire to create. It's a dirty word these days. Creating!

Creating a spill that's horrible,

Creating life which will suffer for your inadequacies,

Creating new space for prisoners,

Creating new jobs,

Creating a party of people whom just want to make people suffer.

I've thought about being the less creative mind in my age, and sporting the shot that'll ring red into the face of haters, and all I can say is. I don't want to.

Haters never learn, and cheaters prosper for a while at least.

I'm certainly been cursed with the inability plague. I have more but this isn't the time for self loathing.. just some reflections on who I am.

I'm an Inspiration

Todays Failures

News

I have been cleaning house. Well internet house.

The comics are loading, and the videos being sorted down.

PaperSydney@Youtube.com

New comics, and small strips will be coming as they're developed, and I have to say I may toss my writings at some of the artists on DA. I figure it might help me show some of the beautiful stories I have in my brain.

News

Pinkisl33t Comics.

I was planning on getting DA to host my comics. I guess it's just too much for me to handle at the moment. So I decided to post it here. The Whatever Gender comic will however be on DA.

Pinkisl33t Comics.