the End Came

As I know now the end of the world didn't come, and yet there are signs like coffee on every block... Oh wait that's cause I'm in Seattle.

Why am I in Seattle?

  The only way to explain it is. Odd fate. The fact that Kate's Gma was in the hospital, and     possibley that my parents wanted to shake us outta the tree, and find some peaches .. well I made that tree bit up, but it's cause Kate's Gma needed her, and so we flew out.

More to the Point. why am I know thrilled just to be in the area?

  I think the thrill hasn't come blazing in because I'm so trusting that nothing is as exciting as a greyhound bus station at 3am in the shadiest f-ing part of backhills Georgia

in clarity. Does it matter if I'm here or in Kansas?

  It matters to many people the friends, and family that support my endevors, and ideas. the thoughts of how I'd have made my way here alone and struggle through winter, and rain to find a line of my own to steam up. 

Will I ever get a paying job in any state..

  If only I know what was available, and it was easy to get to. what did we do before cars? I applied to all the close businesses that were hiring, and some not so-close that would allow for means to get to work, and such. 

Greatful thoughts..

  My thoughts of graditude are somewhat under thought, but I take a second here to thank Jayne, Paige, Margaret, and her lovely Amelia. Also the company, and enjoyable times Amelia(another) have had joking about Kate, and her history with the highschool, and we've made our own jokes.

Post thought. 

  If it were a fair world. the means would be clearly available, and the path clear enough to know where to put a foot. I travel the brush path. through thorns snag-weed, and all kinds of others slowing detouring, and poisoning things that are determined to stop my happy, and the happiness I mean to create. without home without nourishment I've made my way here, and to so-many other states, and cities. learning more about myself than anyone in some small town.. endurance is what is fading. I fight with it, and it flames up in spite of everything. Everyone. 

the End Came

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

I've been quite a shut-in since getting back from Washington. Things haven't been the best, and fearing the worst has brought my depression back.

Despite this. I've been trying to pursue a Tiny home Project, and also get the will together to start painting again. Painting has always allowed the long term feelings to merge with what i don't often get deep enough to vent or even when I have a Breakdown. the world just seems so-messed-up. I'm also a Rational person, and see what really holds me back. Too-little jobs, and a Government that won't do the hard decisive choice, and shut down global economics. Exports are lover than Imports, and there's no way to snap a bubble around the failure to understand that. The point is. I'm about as likely to find work as a Mexican at home depot as a Mexican these days.

I've not just given up either, but I also haven't put all my eggs in one basket. I'm seeing some options, and keeping them in mind as a walk forward day by day. one foot at a time.

The first time I've really been out since May is this 4th of July. I decided to goto my nieces' B-day party, and watch the town's fireworks afterward. the outcome was a nice time, and also captured some video on my cell-cam.
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Thanks for staying on my Following lists. I appreciate your Loyalty.

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

updating the world of smarts.

With the BP spill, Terrorism, and life as we know it facing crisis ever day. I go back to the old unheard statement I was taught by who knows whom. Take it easy, and focus on the things you can do to see to your survival.

This year I've really struggled

with that thought, and come through the bad weather, and emotional hardships with 3 tomato plants, and some carrots. Hopefully Halloween will be a happy time for the world around, and perhaps I'll be able to sell some pumpkins. I know this all seems like I've become some sorted bag of nuts, but I must say. The world is equally as fruity. I need something to do, and because all those jobs

I've applied for have seen fit to lawfully discriminate or just basically run outta jobs to fill, and forgetting to tell me I'm not one of the lucky ones. I'm doing this.

Himegi castle, Japan

My vlogs will be coming back up soon, and hopefully so will my optimism. As many people whom know about me hear. I've got some heart, and a lotta brains, and yet can't seem to put the both together long enough to come out ahead. I've got alot of people whom when they say something for me to do. They say somethings like these ; "why don't you move out?", "why don't you come live here?", "go get a job, and you'll be able to move out.", "can't you just file for unemployment?", find a Sugar Daddy/Mommy!", "go get some 420.", "you need to be on meds.". All that aside I've no job to claim unemployment from, and there's no gas station with in 8 miles let alone anything resembling work that's not taken by those people called "FARMERS". I know if I moved out I'd have to pay for a place or maybe even live on the streets at least a few weeks. maybe a month+, Or that Infamous one. If I wanted to I couldn't even do that. I know it's easy to freebase, and It's really easy to hang over people's houses, but when you don't know anyone around the area, and if I should ever get one to come out here that'd probley never happen. dealers aren't pizza delivery out in the Boonies. Get some sense can call me in the morning..

I hope to be posting on youtube soon.

updating the world of smarts.

Wonderland Has Closed

I for years have run my transition VLOG. It's been less, and less posted on. I even had my brother in law call me a freak on it last year. Despite how I should be posting to throw it back in his face. I really have nothing to post. My transition has stalled, and I doubt my transition will be further than It has gone. I'm very put down by the government being as much of failures as I myself. I feel they should be in their Parents' home thinking about how they could have stopped this from happening like myself over the past 2 years.

I doubt my life is going to guide me back to a life Vlog, and as such I decided to shut it down.

I've had a few comments in private about how I should possibly make a comment VLOG or something of critic videos of places, and people. I think If I were to do that I'd want to do it while doing things in my life. I have thought many times over the years about leaving and just winging it, and when all falls apart just hitching my way back to this little room in the middle of the dead ocean, and stew about the failure I am all Over again.

I think I'll goto Florida.

I would go west, but I'm not Horatio Alger. I also am nothing like Allen Ginsburg though I've admired his workings as such. I know that there's music, and culture in the sun, and Perhaps Some beach will be waiting there to Knock some sense into me. I think It should be one with Black hair from a Far west state, and tell me I'm a Dumb-ass for writing such a Ridiculous Blog.

So if you wish please watch my Last YouTube VLOG

Thanks for all the Good times, and your Support in the Bad times.

Please feel free to tell me any of the ideas you have for any new Channel. I'm not afraid to be on cam, and Speak. I could even read something For you.

Sydney

Wonderland Has Closed