the End Came

As I know now the end of the world didn't come, and yet there are signs like coffee on every block... Oh wait that's cause I'm in Seattle.

Why am I in Seattle?

  The only way to explain it is. Odd fate. The fact that Kate's Gma was in the hospital, and     possibley that my parents wanted to shake us outta the tree, and find some peaches .. well I made that tree bit up, but it's cause Kate's Gma needed her, and so we flew out.

More to the Point. why am I know thrilled just to be in the area?

  I think the thrill hasn't come blazing in because I'm so trusting that nothing is as exciting as a greyhound bus station at 3am in the shadiest f-ing part of backhills Georgia

in clarity. Does it matter if I'm here or in Kansas?

  It matters to many people the friends, and family that support my endevors, and ideas. the thoughts of how I'd have made my way here alone and struggle through winter, and rain to find a line of my own to steam up. 

Will I ever get a paying job in any state..

  If only I know what was available, and it was easy to get to. what did we do before cars? I applied to all the close businesses that were hiring, and some not so-close that would allow for means to get to work, and such. 

Greatful thoughts..

  My thoughts of graditude are somewhat under thought, but I take a second here to thank Jayne, Paige, Margaret, and her lovely Amelia. Also the company, and enjoyable times Amelia(another) have had joking about Kate, and her history with the highschool, and we've made our own jokes.

Post thought. 

  If it were a fair world. the means would be clearly available, and the path clear enough to know where to put a foot. I travel the brush path. through thorns snag-weed, and all kinds of others slowing detouring, and poisoning things that are determined to stop my happy, and the happiness I mean to create. without home without nourishment I've made my way here, and to so-many other states, and cities. learning more about myself than anyone in some small town.. endurance is what is fading. I fight with it, and it flames up in spite of everything. Everyone. 

the End Came

Respect for Gender Diversity

I know This'll start to sound like the typical we beat ourselves up, and we don't care except when our individual rights come to question like when being beaten in our own homes. The Truth is it starts with Media.

K11 Movie - gender in prison

 Today's youth get Everything from the TV, Movies or the Internet, and hatred is revered as a win. I think if Every individual doesn't think of the outcome of the media they release it can be the nail in coffin for one or more of the gender diverse community. It's not as easy as NOT straight. Gays are not All GAY! It's a Pride thing for some, but everyone likes the things they like, and that diverges them from that BLACK & WHITE they so proudly Pride themselves on.

PRIDE

I was just thinking how funny it is to watch them guys making fun of gay sex in prison, but then .. is it?.. and when we film a Mock of such things when does those things guarantee the murder of someone that actor or director or writer doesn't even know? Sure it could be driven by a murder, and trying to make an audience feel connected with that freak with the 10 episode involvement, but when is is right to have the shown beaten? The sad fact is. What one person does effects others.

 Wait till you think about how easily people can beat themselves with the same material. I write this in Warning to all those whom decide to conceive a story to empower, disprove or disenfranchise the diverse nature of all Humanity. cause it's always taken as a truth to someone's mind.

Always remember. Gender diversity, and police never meet on equal ground.

Respect for Gender Diversity

Jobs

I've long time sought a job since transitioning, and found not responses to be those HR's water of the week in saving graces. I call they ignore, and I keep calling. I've come to read their moods, and how they're treating me. on the more subtle level. Today I'm going to try to nail down this job I finally got an interview for after a year of bugging. I feel it's worse this this wait a week, and call them again game. I think if the world was as easy to nail a job. than people would be happy in their lower end of poverty. even if they only work 10hrs a week. it's something, and the government seems to not understand that people shouldn't be seen as a plague, but as alot of marbles. No fun when marbles don't get moving, and when they're sitting there collecting dust they're doing more than that. they're making dents to get stuck in. I've worked management, and I've worked retail, and how far is it between. Not far at all. Seemed to me my managers were hired cause they have some voice tone or a sharp fashion look. getting to the top of the manager chain is a fruitless venture that results in aged sadness, and lost family time. So when I go into this job interview I'm planning to do my best, and remember it's only one job out of thousands and millions more I can make for myself. because when you're your own boss you have that freedom they all wish they had.

Jobs

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

I've been quite a shut-in since getting back from Washington. Things haven't been the best, and fearing the worst has brought my depression back.

Despite this. I've been trying to pursue a Tiny home Project, and also get the will together to start painting again. Painting has always allowed the long term feelings to merge with what i don't often get deep enough to vent or even when I have a Breakdown. the world just seems so-messed-up. I'm also a Rational person, and see what really holds me back. Too-little jobs, and a Government that won't do the hard decisive choice, and shut down global economics. Exports are lover than Imports, and there's no way to snap a bubble around the failure to understand that. The point is. I'm about as likely to find work as a Mexican at home depot as a Mexican these days.

I've not just given up either, but I also haven't put all my eggs in one basket. I'm seeing some options, and keeping them in mind as a walk forward day by day. one foot at a time.

The first time I've really been out since May is this 4th of July. I decided to goto my nieces' B-day party, and watch the town's fireworks afterward. the outcome was a nice time, and also captured some video on my cell-cam.
--

--


--
Thanks for staying on my Following lists. I appreciate your Loyalty.

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

Wonderland Has Closed

I for years have run my transition VLOG. It's been less, and less posted on. I even had my brother in law call me a freak on it last year. Despite how I should be posting to throw it back in his face. I really have nothing to post. My transition has stalled, and I doubt my transition will be further than It has gone. I'm very put down by the government being as much of failures as I myself. I feel they should be in their Parents' home thinking about how they could have stopped this from happening like myself over the past 2 years.

I doubt my life is going to guide me back to a life Vlog, and as such I decided to shut it down.

I've had a few comments in private about how I should possibly make a comment VLOG or something of critic videos of places, and people. I think If I were to do that I'd want to do it while doing things in my life. I have thought many times over the years about leaving and just winging it, and when all falls apart just hitching my way back to this little room in the middle of the dead ocean, and stew about the failure I am all Over again.

I think I'll goto Florida.

I would go west, but I'm not Horatio Alger. I also am nothing like Allen Ginsburg though I've admired his workings as such. I know that there's music, and culture in the sun, and Perhaps Some beach will be waiting there to Knock some sense into me. I think It should be one with Black hair from a Far west state, and tell me I'm a Dumb-ass for writing such a Ridiculous Blog.

So if you wish please watch my Last YouTube VLOG

Thanks for all the Good times, and your Support in the Bad times.

Please feel free to tell me any of the ideas you have for any new Channel. I'm not afraid to be on cam, and Speak. I could even read something For you.

Sydney

Wonderland Has Closed