Finding Content through the mirror.

Been a while since I put some time into posting some content. I've found there's less, and less I want seen by the masses, and nobody shows the point I have such a domain. I'm planning to remove the whole site, but at same time I think it'll come to a use somehow. Perhaps I'll post my up-coming Vlogs.. Perhaps I'll have an Imageboard linked up soon. Who-knows? Definitely not me.

Finding Content through the mirror.

Dirty Life.

The thoughts had smashed through my mind many times.

To kill my most hateful disfiguring issue.

I've spent four years fighting to keep myself from jumping off a bridge or cutting my wrists, and or overdosing on medications. all of which shy of jumping off the bridge I've done.

Does it make a difference to the person who caused the trauma?
Does she tell the people that give her such power to be around, and publicly elevated. while her ex muse. The Star of her puppet show(http://www.chaotickiss.com/). Suffering in the trauma of being strangled at her hands, and made to suffer under indifference.

I still like so-many others wonder why this all happened.

I have a hard time getting past it all.

mean while back in New England.. She's told everyone I never existed, and she made the name up herself, and told me since I wasn't born Sydney Bloom she has all the rights to steal that bubbly happy spirit of mine, and make it love a idealized version of her Lesbian self. All while she's lying to transgender Ladies, and making a mockery of the enjoyment of her cooshie life at her mom's house. She'll never move past her free-ride to make an equitable life with her own rules, and responsibilities.

As for me. I'll keep trying to get my face out of the forgotten mud, and perhaps someday may even sue for my name to be off her mockery of a comic that without my likeness would fail.

LAWFULLY,
Sydney

p.s. all responses to my post by her will be made public.

Dirty Life.

Sydney's Fieldcall - 05 - Irene the Gay Opera

I missed calling some friends, and Hope they'll be okay. The Pastor guys all blame the Irene on gay's just like every icecream cone that falls on the ground at Disney. Also tried not to sound like I was advertizing for AngryBirds.. I think I'll install it on my GF's Laptop!

Sydney's Fieldcall - 05 - Irene the Gay Opera

Sydney's Fieldcall - 04 - Banana fone..

Spending way too many days being entertained by the net, and found myself under a no-more content umbrella... where's the next wave.. I need to catch it!

Sydney's Fieldcall - 04 - Banana fone..

Nothing can stop hate..

I've found hate in those who are hated.

Nothing can stop hate..

S2 : E4 Rocky Road Hrt

My Support is probley as good as it gets in Kansas. unless I lived near a Gender Center.. LOL I'm soo Far away from Laurence,KS. Support in Wichita has always been a JOKE. like the Joke that's ment to hurt. Feel it burn you mis-guided care despensories!!

I've also got two job interviews lines up. one for the morning and one the 23rd. I feel a better chance at these since I worked hard to make them notice me...

S2 : E4 Rocky Road Hrt

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

I've been quite a shut-in since getting back from Washington. Things haven't been the best, and fearing the worst has brought my depression back.

Despite this. I've been trying to pursue a Tiny home Project, and also get the will together to start painting again. Painting has always allowed the long term feelings to merge with what i don't often get deep enough to vent or even when I have a Breakdown. the world just seems so-messed-up. I'm also a Rational person, and see what really holds me back. Too-little jobs, and a Government that won't do the hard decisive choice, and shut down global economics. Exports are lover than Imports, and there's no way to snap a bubble around the failure to understand that. The point is. I'm about as likely to find work as a Mexican at home depot as a Mexican these days.

I've not just given up either, but I also haven't put all my eggs in one basket. I'm seeing some options, and keeping them in mind as a walk forward day by day. one foot at a time.

The first time I've really been out since May is this 4th of July. I decided to goto my nieces' B-day party, and watch the town's fireworks afterward. the outcome was a nice time, and also captured some video on my cell-cam.
--

--


--
Thanks for staying on my Following lists. I appreciate your Loyalty.

Getting out of the house (Fireworks!)

Back from The Oregon Trail

The Trip started in southern Kansas and made it's way to Salina where alot of settlers transversed through the Oregon Trail. We zigged, and Zagged. the mountains the landscape. Through Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, and Washington States. The Scenery is second to none I've seen in my 30yrs. I've seem Indians, and Mountains Trains, Planes, and Automobiles. The Trip never seemed to stop.

I would Recommend taking the trip yourself. Do remember that part of the fun is sleeping in your vehicle. Oregon will make you love the world, and Utah will make you wonder if you can get anything from a convieniece store. Wyoming like Kansas is few, and far between while Washington state will just be around the bend.

Back from The Oregon Trail

The Organic Sister

TheOrganicSister is a site developed by Tara Wagner, and Her Focus is on anything helpful to nature, and Practical living.

I've been doing a Whole "Tiny home" search, and aligned with Tiny House Living or was it Tiny House Design. I've found some of her words Happily helpful, and The Spirit is something I see myself having while Pursuing my next projects.

The Organic Sister

Some Artshow - Winfield's Art in the park (Island Park)

So many times I’ve seen others Setup, and show their wares, and All I could do is admire them. In 2009 I decided to releave some anxiety, and show my own works to the world. It was very short, and I felt it wasn’t enough, but I can say It was very good to feel like Someone besides my family had seen something. I don’t know much of the people whom go to these art shows, and I wouldn’t want to see them work to their product. I would rather see what best could be, and Not worry about being di-ceated for the means of winning a prize.

I Decided to paint a little to avoid the odd questions, and anxiety surrounding me in this time, and was painting furiously.. I painted, and painted, and what happened next was I heard Breathing. A LOT of Breathing. Nobody was behind the crowd that’d gathered to immortalize it on film, but there they children, and young teens all staring on. They were staring, and when they noticed I had stopped Like chickens without the feed being thrown at them took a second gathered their thoughts and Scurried out..

I Decided to paint a little to avoid the odd questions, and anxiety surrounding me in this time, and was painting furiously.. I paintined, and painted, and what happened next was I heard Breathing. A LOT of Breathing. Nobody was behind the crowd that’d gathered to immortalize it on film, but there they children, and young teens all staring on. They were staring, and when they noticed I had stopped Like chickens without the feed being thrown at them took a second gathered their thoughts and Scurried out..

I think If I do this again this year I’ll try to bring more than Photographs. Perhaps I’ll bring some motion Projects, and alot more things to hang what I make on hand (screen is not sturdy enough to hang paintings from.)

Sydney

Some Artshow - Winfield's Art in the park (Island Park)

Wellington Ks

As I'm sure everyone should have guessed by now I've got a town near me by the name of Wellington, and Of coarse there's a few places named the same, and it's not so-big, but It's not supposed to be.

Wellington was just passed over for a Casino. It'd have brought the commerce to a town rather than the county alone, and many have been behind, and angry at what they decided to do. They chose the far end of the county to setup the casino in, and it's probley going to fall through. No infrastucture, no power, and no work-force. So many stupid mistakes happen in kansas. I won't beguin with the thought to putting a sewage plant up on a hill, but I felt that needed to be said. Many people believe in this town, and I think it's got wonderful personality, and the buildings in downtown deserve to be seen as they are. the Commerce hub of the town. I've seen theathers close, and now reopen beautiful as new, and Buildings restored better than the 3yrs left in the weather. There's support, and they're suffering, and we all know there's some issues with a round-about coming up. But truely we all will find a beautiful way to keep Wellington a Wheat Mecha. where Trains Planes, Car's, and Trucks can live in harmony with the humans propelling them. The hard work of the few will always pay-off it's always going to be there in Wellington.

We'll see your joke, and laugh, and fire one back a time or two, but it will us whose laughing when you say Wellington is nothing. We'll see you expire or reword yourself in due time.

The Media for wellington isn't very good, but the grape vine fixes that, and makes it what it should be. a hopeful reminder that we've not seen the end, and never seen the middle. We'll fix our roads, and save our Memories as we can, and for reasons yet heard or seen.

Rural Kansas has what Urban Kansas will never remember. Mild Wild Pride.

Please Visit the new theater, and have a drink at Barefoot's. Braums is on the west side of the tracks, and A&W on the north side of 160 on 81Hwy. The community doesn't need a thank you as much as you need to see it. Art Festivals coming up soon, and Wheatfest in summer.

Wellington Ks

Waste, and Pain

The Most harmful things are all around us.

Our Neighbors !

So many people, and so little space. I do believe I can Look at the Rockefellers, and say I don't get why you can't be more inventive than Killing millions of people to stop the ravaged earth situation. Yes, We're doing so much less, and Yes we're half stupid while doing our daily non-productive stint, But what can anyone do when there's no chance to remove the footprints your 10X Great grand parents have done? Look at the oldest cities, and think. where is all their trash, and destructive footprints?

Nobody can be moved to do anything without some sort of win for them. something that makes materialism, and the basic needs happy, and socialization is a good percentage of the population's healthy needs. I, and I'm sure a few others have come to the mind set that there's not going to be anything for us if we don't look at the reality, and then look at the recyclism second.

Anything we can do to keep the process of life going, and that means keeping our Diverse culture alive as well.

Don't forget Recycling will one day be the Industrial trade of tomorrow.

Waste, and Pain

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

As I'm not to bore you with the Constant issues of a Cluster Gone Terribley wrong. I wanted to share with you Primarily my New Project which is Small shorts, and The first one is Based on the TG topics, and How the events play-out for one trans person after a night out.

I'll have stills up soon, but it's not the only thought in my head.

Another is based on how a midnight Vlogger finds the news isn't always what she's reporting.

I have been wokring on some Wind Related Projects aswell. Art has no bounds, and wind is one of those things that continues to power my love of music, and science.

New Project, and Revisiting an Older one.

Waking to a New Sun Rising

It's Like a new sun rising every time things start looking up. Like a Whole new Ball of hydrogen is burning just to brighten the world just to fix anyone's

My mother while listening to her Cohen, and surfing a few sites ran across this cover by Antony & the Johnsons.

Antony is a Self described Transgender Gay. There's so many people confused in the U.S. that it's just easier to dismiss it, and enjoy the Very wonderful music sung by Antony, and played by the Johnsons. I recommend it aswell, and Hope that someday we understand that the differences about people are what make us wonderful, and not crazy.

I've linked Antony's site below.

Antony & the Johnsons

They've also played with Bjork. I've always loved her music.

Waking to a New Sun Rising

Second Life, The only life I seem to have at times

It's always nice to escape into another world.

A land where you have a few caring souls.

Mine is shared with a family where I'm not just a Fixture. I'm the kitty.

"Rene: my love

Rene: i miss u greatly

Rene: love u greatly baby"

I don't take it like a hit off a cigarette.

I accept it with as much heart as possible for that moment. I go missing Like the cat I am. I know I can't be there all the time, and so does my loved ones.

I'm always on the lookout for how to run my own server of SL like operations. I know I'd keep it safe, and only have those who love, and need some place to be free within my means to create, and save their hearts from the vast, and diverse masses of the ever so shrinking freedom of the net.

Second Life, The only life I seem to have at times

Wheat Faerie (Draft)

The story starts like any other. With a tragedy. The long hard earned success of the midwest's wheat barrons has come to a close. having less and less people from the area harvesting, and a crippling town influx of sales. Wheat barrons seemed to have went the way of the greek gods.

Our story's happier side stems from this overwhelming down turn. The once small dream of two people has come to find itself in a stalling economy. The return of their son to the old farm brings new life to what would almost be a generic drama. Traveling through lands far, and wide the son had a few trinkets. Marbles from Italy, wine from France, Seeds from India, and many other things from many other countries. The only thing is He doesn't know what he has. A small rock he'd found in Ireland was not just some rock with a hole in it.

Many decades back. When magic, and mystical creatures roamed the lands the fae world was dwindling. It's unsure that any if at all died. The world just didn't allow the effects of the enchanted world to shine directly on the world that is today. The stone was one of many ways to bring a Fae into the world. For many reasons the origin of this stone is clouded from us, and some silly traveler with a collection of what-not's has ended up with this stone, and as he unpacks his boxes into his family's home he grabs the Irish stone, and sits it up on a small shelf in his farm house room.

Yes, things grow, and not many crops can be grown without many new nutrients being shoveled, spaded, and disced into the land. The Wheat Barron's would have controlled the nutrients, and kept the crops balanced. Insuring the plentiful harvest, and the celebrations that'd follow.

Newspaper reads, "Wheat Barron's " Editorial columns are all the rage this time of year. the gossip, and scandals of harvesters, and people looking for the work so much they harvest someone's field early. Columnist John Franco says. "Greed has replaced the neglect of the Barron's that held our hands so long ago. Greed brought us larger machines, and left thousands jobless, and once proud farmers have resorted to harvesting prematurely to avoid the random onset of crop theft.

Wheat Faerie (Draft)

Grateful I am.

I was thinking the last thing to do before I can't is post alot of these thoughts into this blog. I'm not certain if I will be keeping up on this site, and Pinkisl33t has been my web home since I worked back in 04'

Time has only warned me about the darkness of being away from the company of others.

I'm greatful for the company of Kate, and her very unique drama. Yes she Catches on fire, and the Birds flap around the room in a multi-orbital pattern..

Grateful I am.

Some times ....

I've just got to say I miss the ability to work for money,

so many new feelings. I'm curious why so many people think love is a self decided event.

Love is to me, and many other logical, and reason oriented persons. Starts at a whim, and could spawn after a large struggle. My love isn't something that can be bought. I've long known this, and endeavored to make relationships, and not worry about love. It's cat like nature can be distracting, and so can it's demonic side that makes you lie to yourself to make a pseudo love that only You feel.

As many gay, straight, and neutral people I know get trapped by a facet of this provocation.

Love isn't ment to be caught. It's ment to land on you like an Invisable bird.

Todays Failures

I'm no Mentor

Those words came streaming to me when I realized all those people I thought I'd changed their lives, and some think the same thing. I'm nothing if not honest. When I find out things about myself they get chiseled out into my skull, and it's like tattoos. Like words on my skin. like deformations in my physical form. I know I've not changed any

thing in those lives. I've done nothing. All I can say I've done is inspire to create. It's a dirty word these days. Creating!

Creating a spill that's horrible,

Creating life which will suffer for your inadequacies,

Creating new space for prisoners,

Creating new jobs,

Creating a party of people whom just want to make people suffer.

I've thought about being the less creative mind in my age, and sporting the shot that'll ring red into the face of haters, and all I can say is. I don't want to.

Haters never learn, and cheaters prosper for a while at least.

I'm certainly been cursed with the inability plague. I have more but this isn't the time for self loathing.. just some reflections on who I am.

I'm an Inspiration

Todays Failures

Movement.

Today is going to be a Movement. I doubt anyone follows me on that thought, but If I were you I'd just sit back, and say "Bring me more of what she's having." I've been feeling infused with some intelectual thought, and it's going to be put to work today with finding a place to move out to. Not that I'll succeed, but I like the thought of having a studio for my nw VLOGS, and the newer photos I'm planning..

Well all for now. Will Update Post Day..

Movement.

updating the world of smarts.

With the BP spill, Terrorism, and life as we know it facing crisis ever day. I go back to the old unheard statement I was taught by who knows whom. Take it easy, and focus on the things you can do to see to your survival.

This year I've really struggled

with that thought, and come through the bad weather, and emotional hardships with 3 tomato plants, and some carrots. Hopefully Halloween will be a happy time for the world around, and perhaps I'll be able to sell some pumpkins. I know this all seems like I've become some sorted bag of nuts, but I must say. The world is equally as fruity. I need something to do, and because all those jobs

I've applied for have seen fit to lawfully discriminate or just basically run outta jobs to fill, and forgetting to tell me I'm not one of the lucky ones. I'm doing this.

Himegi castle, Japan

My vlogs will be coming back up soon, and hopefully so will my optimism. As many people whom know about me hear. I've got some heart, and a lotta brains, and yet can't seem to put the both together long enough to come out ahead. I've got alot of people whom when they say something for me to do. They say somethings like these ; "why don't you move out?", "why don't you come live here?", "go get a job, and you'll be able to move out.", "can't you just file for unemployment?", find a Sugar Daddy/Mommy!", "go get some 420.", "you need to be on meds.". All that aside I've no job to claim unemployment from, and there's no gas station with in 8 miles let alone anything resembling work that's not taken by those people called "FARMERS". I know if I moved out I'd have to pay for a place or maybe even live on the streets at least a few weeks. maybe a month+, Or that Infamous one. If I wanted to I couldn't even do that. I know it's easy to freebase, and It's really easy to hang over people's houses, but when you don't know anyone around the area, and if I should ever get one to come out here that'd probley never happen. dealers aren't pizza delivery out in the Boonies. Get some sense can call me in the morning..

I hope to be posting on youtube soon.

updating the world of smarts.

NOT Pinkisl33t

The thought just rang through my head.

Did I just post a big infoburst saying Pinkisl33t, and the View from Inside Wonderland is closing?

I'm not shutting down Pinkisl33t, and Not the Blog. So.. no need to fear.

NOT Pinkisl33t

Wonderland Has Closed

I for years have run my transition VLOG. It's been less, and less posted on. I even had my brother in law call me a freak on it last year. Despite how I should be posting to throw it back in his face. I really have nothing to post. My transition has stalled, and I doubt my transition will be further than It has gone. I'm very put down by the government being as much of failures as I myself. I feel they should be in their Parents' home thinking about how they could have stopped this from happening like myself over the past 2 years.

I doubt my life is going to guide me back to a life Vlog, and as such I decided to shut it down.

I've had a few comments in private about how I should possibly make a comment VLOG or something of critic videos of places, and people. I think If I were to do that I'd want to do it while doing things in my life. I have thought many times over the years about leaving and just winging it, and when all falls apart just hitching my way back to this little room in the middle of the dead ocean, and stew about the failure I am all Over again.

I think I'll goto Florida.

I would go west, but I'm not Horatio Alger. I also am nothing like Allen Ginsburg though I've admired his workings as such. I know that there's music, and culture in the sun, and Perhaps Some beach will be waiting there to Knock some sense into me. I think It should be one with Black hair from a Far west state, and tell me I'm a Dumb-ass for writing such a Ridiculous Blog.

So if you wish please watch my Last YouTube VLOG

Thanks for all the Good times, and your Support in the Bad times.

Please feel free to tell me any of the ideas you have for any new Channel. I'm not afraid to be on cam, and Speak. I could even read something For you.

Sydney

Wonderland Has Closed

How Long..

I'm curious how long it'll be till someone notices my social sites have been reduced or removed.. I just got my videos removed from public view, and Facebook is soo Missing.. LOL.. 500+ppl haven't noticed I'm gone.

We'll see.

Plans-

Getting Jessica Goetke's Samples done

Getting the basiscs of my book outlined.

going on a small trip, and then planning another soon-there-after

How Long..

set A pic 6

set A pic 6
Originally uploaded by volkemon

This is Sooo Pritty,,

set A pic 6

Wellington Under the hammer

I've long since lived near this city called Wellington, Kansas. Often it's dwarfed by Wellington, New Zealand, But I'm often draw back by it's old downtown, and it's eerie stead-fastness. I know it sounds like a cheap line to try reselling a town's history to the new people walking the local roads. I don't think so. I see regrowth.

I see a Small downtown with life a-bloom. What is there you say? My brief talks with a building owner gave me the feeling that the

downtown's going to be a Beautiful people's place. I believe more than 25% of downtown Wellington is up for lease, and or Rent, and just needs that bunch of hard working, and Imaginative businesses that this country is known for.

I've spent many a day zooming up, and down the main street without so much as a cricket to walk across my scooter's path. Wellington has so much to offer. To it's town, and it's people.

The newest rebuilds are above, and to the left. I have on good authority that the one above has a Nice loft in it, and the Store front was recently used to test the market. Sadly I missed out on that. I hope the owner gives it another chance in the spring. the Markets really show more hope during the spring, and summer seasons. People of Wellington walk down the main street, and look through the more than often empty windows thinking what they'd love to have as a business to spend a pence at. I know I'm guilty of such aspirations

myself.

All we need is those farmers to give that "Nod", and put out the word that work is needed, and a town can once again spring to life. Too long has it been since farmers thought of more than McDonald's, and the gas stations as the only java in town. I think that's the reason why the bakery left, and the lawyers, and oil peoples set up shop in downtown. Why is the only college outlet in the highschool? isn't there enough room, and business to be had in downtown. I look forward to this Spring. You should take a look. It's Beautiful

Wellington Under the hammer

News

I have been cleaning house. Well internet house.

The comics are loading, and the videos being sorted down.

PaperSydney@Youtube.com

New comics, and small strips will be coming as they're developed, and I have to say I may toss my writings at some of the artists on DA. I figure it might help me show some of the beautiful stories I have in my brain.

News

Pinkisl33t Comics.

I was planning on getting DA to host my comics. I guess it's just too much for me to handle at the moment. So I decided to post it here. The Whatever Gender comic will however be on DA.

Pinkisl33t Comics.

Comics - Pinkisl33t 7-10

Comics - Pinkisl33t 7-10

Comics - Pinkisl33t 4-6

Comics - Pinkisl33t 4-6

Comics - Pinkisl33t 1-3

Comics - Pinkisl33t 1-3

Secondlife Dying..

Logged in last 60 days: 1,392,922
Residents inworld: 59,442

Today was a day like any other. I've come to the conclusion I won't be able to meet many people in the SL Verse. The reason is because there's more people on Yahoo chat at the moment than in SL at the moment. I think there's more than 59k people in Wichita, KS.

Is there any reason why SL is becoming so small? I don't know..

Perhaps I'll find out if the subscription base is lower than last year..

Secondlife Dying..

Winter

(this is a msg sent to someone on a personals site.)

I'd say something interesting is happening, but unless it's sleeding behind a 4x4 I doubt it'll be happening anytime soon. I'm not in great shape, and I have pains, but love getting out, and busy. walking hiking. blah blah I also don't believe in myself. though I know i can do alot. I've been safe with my body, but not my travels. if i'm interesting please feel free .. talk sometime.

this has been a curious moment,

Sydney

Winter

Tiresome miles

I'm soon to be in school. learning soo much about networking at the moment, but that's not what the school will be for. I can't jinx it so for the mean time I'll just say it'll be a stable income, and the world won't effect me if it fills me as much as I it. I've started a Project that'll be lasting for a long time to come. Like my websites. this project is one that'll expand or flop. It's always been my plans to expand my knowledge of things around me. So, As i watch "Tower of Druaga" , and think about my options especially the transition ones. I have my eye on those friends around me, and try hard to keep them standing strong. I do believe those who will be effected by my friendship will stay around, and show interest. some will not, and some may be just in waiting. As some know I was very social out in New England, and those friends that practice life by social standards wish as I do to see my happy smile return to the fold. I may be in kansas, but many have said I'm not gone nor forgotten. As i might think this is a delusion sometimes. It isn't . I know whom is, and whom isn't in my grasp of friendship on that level. I also know the deeper, and more realistic friends know I'm very shallow when it comes to idle chatter. I don't spout for spoutings' sake. I do wish it'd come sooner rather than later, but nothing can be done for that. The old strong ways are all I can sue to forward my stable life.

Just to recount. I'm setting up for a stable job, and plan to work hard on my life, and the certainties of it.

Sydney+

p.s. I'm tired..of "T"

Tiresome miles

Fighting, Tired and Sick

The world surrounding us is one of great detail, and minuscule relational care. While I feel there's always a reason to ignore the issues surrounding the people you don't care for, but I'm certain that Ignorance of feelings for those you do care for or even aspire to be related with can only mean contempt. I know that this sounds like a fantasy or some soap opera, but the world is as logical as it is illogical.

My mind can only come back to the grand delusion which is Wonderland. This of coarse being the reason for naming both my BLOG, and VLOG after such. I think if it was anything but an affirmation it was a blessing in the least, and a curse at most. My mind is not always happy about being trapped in a place that it can't and sometimes can try hard to fight to find the simplicity that is a certainty of life's values, and gains.

My trip to NY is looming around the corner, and Stephanie is still waiting for me to come visit her in OK. I'm trying to balance the whole of life, and keep my keel down. and masts up.

I'll have to say more later when I can get a better angle on things.

Perhaps I'll run into the Cheshire cat.

Fighting, Tired and Sick