New year Alone

New Years Eve, and no party to goto.

New year Alone

the End Came

As I know now the end of the world didn't come, and yet there are signs like coffee on every block... Oh wait that's cause I'm in Seattle.

Why am I in Seattle?

  The only way to explain it is. Odd fate. The fact that Kate's Gma was in the hospital, and     possibley that my parents wanted to shake us outta the tree, and find some peaches .. well I made that tree bit up, but it's cause Kate's Gma needed her, and so we flew out.

More to the Point. why am I know thrilled just to be in the area?

  I think the thrill hasn't come blazing in because I'm so trusting that nothing is as exciting as a greyhound bus station at 3am in the shadiest f-ing part of backhills Georgia

in clarity. Does it matter if I'm here or in Kansas?

  It matters to many people the friends, and family that support my endevors, and ideas. the thoughts of how I'd have made my way here alone and struggle through winter, and rain to find a line of my own to steam up. 

Will I ever get a paying job in any state..

  If only I know what was available, and it was easy to get to. what did we do before cars? I applied to all the close businesses that were hiring, and some not so-close that would allow for means to get to work, and such. 

Greatful thoughts..

  My thoughts of graditude are somewhat under thought, but I take a second here to thank Jayne, Paige, Margaret, and her lovely Amelia. Also the company, and enjoyable times Amelia(another) have had joking about Kate, and her history with the highschool, and we've made our own jokes.

Post thought. 

  If it were a fair world. the means would be clearly available, and the path clear enough to know where to put a foot. I travel the brush path. through thorns snag-weed, and all kinds of others slowing detouring, and poisoning things that are determined to stop my happy, and the happiness I mean to create. without home without nourishment I've made my way here, and to so-many other states, and cities. learning more about myself than anyone in some small town.. endurance is what is fading. I fight with it, and it flames up in spite of everything. Everyone. 

the End Came

Our Outting in Bellevue Washington

   A week into our Excursion.  
The Friends from highschool popped outta the woodwork, and all remembering Kate's Gma from all the Pool Parties, and the fun and care free fun from yesteryear.

My amazement is that there's a bunch of fun friends I'd not met last time we were here, and the flight was something new entirely. Taking off from Wichita Kansas we flew to Dallas Texas, and had not time to get lunch before we were on a flight into the pitch black..

The Dark can be entrancing, and spare your mind the existence of others below. 

A Planet below that makes you long for the reason that lights exist, and in the race to pursue the death bed of a loved one. Seeing Cities float by as it if they are simple webs made by a spider, and the Blackness a canvas to rely on when feeling encroached upon.

 

 An early Turkey day, and all the Beautiful trimmings..

 

 The Trip to Bellevue, Washington was amazing. I'd been once before, but only to the Barnes & Noble. This time we went to the mall, and looked at all the items rich people thing they want, and also the upper stories are home to some crazy coding people, and yes I saw a few escaping to The Cheesecake Factory!

 The Salad they served me was the healthiest thing I'd eaten in 6 months, and the Jokes we had about meeting with old classmates, and Middle aged men as a punchline. The new focus once we started eating was about the waitress not wearing a bra. I mentioned that maybe she needs a big tip so she can afford one.

  The night went on to include a bunch more drinks, and jokes, and laughing about history, and the crazy rich people that don't even notice other people exist.

My rush back to reclaim Kate's spare shirt from the cheesecake factory gave rise to a question... If you were walking in a crosswalk and bill gates pulled up, and had to stop for you. Would he quickly wave money at you to drive through the light?

 The Cuteness never stopped that night. I was debilitated from the running back, and found myself thinking this is my end, but instead.. It was the Happiest night in a super-long time. Kate, and her friend Amelia got the drinks, and I got the drive. It was crazy fun, and we watched crazy movies till she was clear enough to make the 2 min drive home.

 As we Listened to the band, and shouted NO EAGLES!!!!
The band dropped into high gear, and slapped in some Foreigner - Don't stop believing!, and the Lead singer posed for a few pics after the set was done.

And as we closed our Jont into the Bellevue area we found another joke we'd made on the way to getting dinner.. Kate, and Amelia are standing next to the Generator.... I mean a Huge Present. I was saying I want one of these generators they were using to power all the lights, and Amelia looked over, and saw the Present instead..

So off we went..  I drove us home.. and we'll be here till we're not wanted anymore.. j/k

.

Our Outting in Bellevue Washington

Washington STATE..

I'm going to be in a State of mind that I'm not often used to.

My Love's Gma's in the Hospital, and We're heading out tomorrow to visit for a few days. It's a Big deal because many things are hanging in the Balance.

The Money I've been saving for nearly two months is going to pay for my food, and what-not while I'm out there, and burns down or as P.C. as I can make it.. Puts off indefinately my tiny house project, and in which also I've been needing to get a Car, and was in means of being helped by the state, but as I'll be out of the state there'll be no looking no filing paper-work, and at the end of the month they'll close my case, and I'll have nothing, but my PTSD to show for all the *help I've received.

Yes, I'm sorry That you my readers have had to read that above, but I do feel a bit better typing it out.

On the other side. I will have to be the Stand-up person I'm supposed to be for my love, and help her through a very emotional, and quite a Page turn in her family's life.

Her Grand parents were there when the means didn't meet the needs. My Love grew up in a conjoined household, and the means are far from being met by them alone, and they know it. Like I'm guessing a lot of people are out in Washington. they as just slinking by with the help of Grandma. I am looking at more than a new page, and now I'm thinking if the world doesn't end. What will anyone do about all of this?

The economy, and the states, and the hatred, and the Bias all stewing in the media like it's the drug we can't help but take despite not a bit of wanting it.

I think I called my sisters to tell them I might need their help because they're not on the same page as me. Not able to see the drama, and the paycheck isn't enough, and while many have seen them make the joke of an effort to fill their needs with means & lies. I find myself Seeking Heatedly. The Means of a acceptable existence  I sometimes wonder how the Amish make the taxes on those farms, and fight the BIG GOVERNMENT. It's like they don't think the rest of us need it to. The Government that is.


My tiny house was my idea for the means to make the needs equalized.

The Hope is that I'll be Posting again soon. I'll have a lot to write about..

Washington STATE..

The Hold-up!

I've been trying to get the next edition of Sydney's Field Call out, but all I can do is be in pain.

I worked contract work this monday. I rarely find something that will work out for me getting to a job so-far away, but I did this time, and I'm hoping there won't be any hang-ups. That's funny. Hang-ups, and Hold-ups..

I'm hoping to get the Field call done soon, and I've almost found the right timing. I wish I were as scheduled as the other youtube Vets, but I also don't use this to live off of.

Perhaps I'll be posting the videos by this weekend..

The Hold-up!

Travels of aimless

I've found myself thinking about my travels across the eastern u.s. And I feel the fear that wieghed so heavily on me to the point I wouldnt care if people disliked me , and blinded me to my path. I think its probably the saddest thing about meeting all those wonderful, crazy, evil, blind, and senseless people friends and strangers. I look at it and feel like theres pieces missing.

Some thought goes into it. Perhaps blamming my overdose on lost memories, but i remember the people. I'd forgotten a few because of it, and took me months to remember faces. Which is how i remember people, and some i never too or couldnt take pictures of. It bothers me that for all that freedom i feel that its burdensome, and i just want to hide myself in a little room. Sadly Kate and i moved out of that scaredy hole i hid in, and at times more often than not i find a strong yerning to be back in that room. I wonder with scared sadness if i'll ever make it on my own or even out with Kate.


I wish i could just keep busy with projects and play music till i've fallen asleep...
If half the fb friends list treated me like a flesh in blood friend i'd feel blessed. Instead i was blessed with one GF with the force of a tank to hand my woes, and issues.

The drama i have will some day fall back in time and form an iceburg that'll sink mans dreams and kill hundreds. Till then i will mill it down best i can and try not to let my photo archive cause a depression that sinks me.

Travels of aimless

Sydney's Field Call Has a New Location..

Sydney's Field Call Returns

Sydney's Field Call Has a New Location..

Respect for Gender Diversity

I know This'll start to sound like the typical we beat ourselves up, and we don't care except when our individual rights come to question like when being beaten in our own homes. The Truth is it starts with Media.

K11 Movie - gender in prison

 Today's youth get Everything from the TV, Movies or the Internet, and hatred is revered as a win. I think if Every individual doesn't think of the outcome of the media they release it can be the nail in coffin for one or more of the gender diverse community. It's not as easy as NOT straight. Gays are not All GAY! It's a Pride thing for some, but everyone likes the things they like, and that diverges them from that BLACK & WHITE they so proudly Pride themselves on.

PRIDE

I was just thinking how funny it is to watch them guys making fun of gay sex in prison, but then .. is it?.. and when we film a Mock of such things when does those things guarantee the murder of someone that actor or director or writer doesn't even know? Sure it could be driven by a murder, and trying to make an audience feel connected with that freak with the 10 episode involvement, but when is is right to have the shown beaten? The sad fact is. What one person does effects others.

 Wait till you think about how easily people can beat themselves with the same material. I write this in Warning to all those whom decide to conceive a story to empower, disprove or disenfranchise the diverse nature of all Humanity. cause it's always taken as a truth to someone's mind.

Always remember. Gender diversity, and police never meet on equal ground.

Respect for Gender Diversity

Jobs

I've long time sought a job since transitioning, and found not responses to be those HR's water of the week in saving graces. I call they ignore, and I keep calling. I've come to read their moods, and how they're treating me. on the more subtle level. Today I'm going to try to nail down this job I finally got an interview for after a year of bugging. I feel it's worse this this wait a week, and call them again game. I think if the world was as easy to nail a job. than people would be happy in their lower end of poverty. even if they only work 10hrs a week. it's something, and the government seems to not understand that people shouldn't be seen as a plague, but as alot of marbles. No fun when marbles don't get moving, and when they're sitting there collecting dust they're doing more than that. they're making dents to get stuck in. I've worked management, and I've worked retail, and how far is it between. Not far at all. Seemed to me my managers were hired cause they have some voice tone or a sharp fashion look. getting to the top of the manager chain is a fruitless venture that results in aged sadness, and lost family time. So when I go into this job interview I'm planning to do my best, and remember it's only one job out of thousands and millions more I can make for myself. because when you're your own boss you have that freedom they all wish they had.

Jobs

Seems Only Yesterday

Seems Only Yesterday, I was saying I have no content. Well I looked at myself and Cringed.. then I started thinking Who cares what I post on here. I blog on livejournal, and here, and I don't really get any input as to what I should talk about with my friends. or all those other people who're trollin' Hiya Funny Trollies! So I'm not going to post anything important for a while, but I'll be sure to tell you all about how I have great ideas, and I'm completely plagued by the facts I have needs to accomplish them under the time-span of Forever. Speaking of which 2012 is already far under what I was expecting. the economy and the haters are really starting to whined down, and that makes me sad.. have they hit their Rage Peak? Can't I see someone ruin their career before the end of the mayan calender ends? I also was thinking there's only 2 ways the world can end under such a quick note. #1Israel nuking people for bullshit reasons #2 God really just stops it all! Congrats I don't believe that global warming will cause BLAH-BLAH BLAH! not that it won't make it harder to enjoy, and totally wasteful. I'm a conservative when it comes to personal waste. I think they need to sell politicians like Baseball members. The best, and brightest should be on the hill, and the pitcher should always be on the mound..*COUGH* i mean pulpit.. Or is that a priest's job? nuf for nao!

Seems Only Yesterday

Finding Content through the mirror.

Been a while since I put some time into posting some content. I've found there's less, and less I want seen by the masses, and nobody shows the point I have such a domain. I'm planning to remove the whole site, but at same time I think it'll come to a use somehow. Perhaps I'll post my up-coming Vlogs.. Perhaps I'll have an Imageboard linked up soon. Who-knows? Definitely not me.

Finding Content through the mirror.